aa Individualism vs Perfectionism 20190807

By my early 20s, as a new young adult, I had become very interested in belonging to a group of Christians by making myself conform, visibly, to a prescribed lifestyle in all of its outward facets. But, after about eight years, I left that group because of perfectionism and the uncomfortable pressures it's presence continually created… not to mention the fact that I could no longer believe in the fairy tales that justified it's presence.

What I did not realize then was the fact that perfectionism is only a perspective, and any perspective only works like a lens to present a single point of view. [I also did not realize that much of that perfectionism stuck with me and clouded my judgement for years, regarding perfectionism.] There are many perspectives possible and it is up to us, individually, to select the one we like and to apply it fully, with the knowledge of which lens we are willing to use, and also to communicate this arrangement to others so they can understand us.

Unfortunately, perfectionism sometimes works to dominate a group, which makes it appear to be the only valid perspective. This is what had happened within the small (Christian) group I had joined. But, since I was unenlightened about the nature of perspective in those days, I just left. If I had maintained my faith and if I had become aware of perfectionism as only a perspective, I might have created my own faction of more forgiving and laid-back Christians. But now, that is all past.

Perfectionists can exist within any kind of group. When they are present, they will continually pressure others to abide perfectly to the implications of their interpretations of that lifestyle, in accordance with a perfectionistic view of conformance and belief.

So, while associating among these people, one will continuously receive perfectionistic inputs toward multiple layers of assigned expectations of conformance. Before continuing with this essay, I wish to categorically assert my right, as an individual, to ignore these inputs.

These perfectionistic inputs, by their very nature, fail to speak to how a person naturally blooms, individually, toward becoming fully whoever they are inside without shame… or to how a person might bloom differently or at a different rate, while enjoying the company of friends and associates who might influence or enhance the individual's natural and continuous self discovery.

Of course, on the one hand, certain constraints do offer a greater range of safety from wild schemes and from people who might be more apt to willfully harm or otherwise take excessive willful advantage of others around them. So, certain constraints ARE worth considering. However, in my opinion, each individual is the highest good, so each individual must be free to choose for themselves.

Living individualisticly, one is often in partial conflict with themselves or with their apparent role, attempting on the one hand to be good, predictable, and decent in society, yet to still be somewhat free and natural, particularly among one's most familiar peers.

The perfectionistic view will frequently attempt to negate, devalue, and even invalidate the individual. The perfectionist may even say that the individualist point of view has no right to exist; but you must remember - that statement is only his belief, his perspective, which can never be a fact, but only an opinion.

As one attempts to practice self balance in life, individualistically, one realizes that in order to live without becoming hypocritical or duplicitous, it becomes essential that one exercise very open (transparent) and interactive communications with ones associates about one's specific avoidance of perfectionism and one's preference for individualism.

One must be especially clear about the specific beliefs and situational interpretations one holds, as well as the specific beliefs one rejects.

As a non-perfectionist and an individualist, I specifically reserve the right to deny you or anyone else the right to assign to me the beliefs which I must hold or accept. Please do not attempt to do this because I promise you, you will fail.

The most important belief that exists in the realm of human beings, is about whether one must accept all beliefs within a given set of beliefs, or if it is individually acceptable to reject certain beliefs within a common set, which the perfectionist would most likely label as hypocrisy.

Anyone who would label my individualism as hypocrisy is a perfectionist, and again, I deny the right of any perfectionist to assign me my beliefs. “No”, I say – “I deny you that right”. Perfectionists have no rights regarding my beliefs.

You may define my beliefs with multiple hyphenated qualifiers, which will compromise your perfectionism, but you cannot evaluate me in any way I will accept, if you are using perfectionistic standards.

Everything is relative.

In order to avoid becoming a perfectionist, one must accept the fact, that for people who are not perfectionists and are self balancing individualists, the outward appearance of self conflict is a natural way of life. To understand the truth, you must ask questions, look from the other person's perspective, and listen carefully.

[By the way - My family, conservative religious perfectionists, are all petrified to attempt to do such a thing. They all believe that if you listen to “other” ways and allow yourself to understand them, it will “let the devil into your mind and you will most likely be lost forever”. I kid you not.]

As an individualist, I fully reserve the right to sometimes outwardly appear to be a hypocrit. It is my choice to not live by any perfectionistic means or measures.

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Updated-20190807-DWS

How do you prefer to live - more perfectionisticly or more individualisticly?