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I'm asexual, everywhere I look there's something sexual.... it's in music, it's in TV ads, it's in shows, it's simply inescapable. I tell someone I'm asexual and they crack a joke about me reproducing with myself, I explain to them what asexuality is, they often don't even believe me. I look to pop culture to try and find a popular asexual figure, I find that the original Jughead from the Archie comics was asexual and that the Riverdale series rewrote him into an allosexual. I can't find a decent representation in pop culture, too few people know or understand what asexuality is, and it leads to problems. I'm on the autism spectrum, in some social circles people call me creepy and when they are confronted with why they called me that by someone other than myself, they often make things up, commonly make things up about me making me sound like some sort of sexual deviant (I don't even enjoy sex, will take a backrub over any sexual act any day).... anyhow when I respond to the allegations that I am asexual, no one even knows what that means. I am very outspoken online and even have my own atheist related facebook page with a large and growing number of followers (Anti-Abrahamic Philosophy). Well a while back it got out that I was the one who created and runs that page and since then the shit I've recieved from a certain social group (Amtgard) increased. I really can't always tell for sure why I am targeted for abuse in any given moment, but it's hard.

Anyhow, back to the asexuality factor, allosexual culture I feel is smothering me, I do have a means of coping with it but often people give me shit for that too. I use humor based on specific rulesets in order to cope with such.

1-The humor must either be based on a double entendre where the punchline is that the context is non-sexual, yet out of the ordinary linguistically (Using the word erection to refer to something non-penis standing upright for example), or the humor must portray sexual matters as absurd and embrace such as a joking topic, for example the famous mermaid and dead cow joke.

2-The humor must not normalize anything nor treat it as if normalized (Example: The misconception that the sexualization of breasts is inherent to human beings).

And then I turn around hear people telling someone that "Humans are sexual beings" and in that very moment, I feel that said statement is dehumanizing me.

I have a few asexual friends, they cope in different ways but the most successful means of coping with such is to use humor as I do (And my friend Erick). Some resort to extreme isolation, some pretend to be allosexual just to blend in, some don't cope at all and just tend to be extremely irritable. Anyhow, allosexual means not asexual, and by allosexual culture I am referring to parts of culture that demonstrate an obsession with things of a sexual nature seemingly for the sake of such being of a sexual nature.

The thing is, Asexuality+Aspergers+Atheism puts you at odds with much of society on a significant level, eventually you come to understand just how often people project rather than empathize and it is disturbing and that is my life.

Secular_Squirrel 7 May 10
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0

I think that Nicole below nailed it. Anything that is experienced or enjoyed by the majority is going to be what you see in mainstream society. I suppose I should include things not enjoyed but that have become general social expectations that people in general are not willing to work to change. But in any case. Anyone, who does not fit a majority expectation is going to tend to feel isolated or marginalized on some level. Conforming to a "norm" (hate the whole "normal" thing, there is no such thing) is a way to feel accepted by a social group. If we feel we meet the norm, we belong. It allows us to know who is in the "us" group and not the "them" group. It is, to some degree, an evolutionary trait that helps us survive. Or at least it was. As we became more accepting, and as we move up the list of maslow's hierarchy of needs, we should theoretically have less need of the desire for conformity as a way to feel we belong. But unfortunately, the majority of people are not smart enough to understand things like acceptance of people with different experiences, regardless of what that different experience is. If you are in a room of sports fans, and you don't like sports, you are not "us", you are "them", and so need to be shunned or shamed for your difference. Pick any significant difference from the "norm" and you are "them". Pretty sad, but no way to change it. Glad you have at least some coping mechanism. The only real answer is to surround yourself with open minded and accepting people. Hard to do sometimes. I would give a platitude about just ignoring it, but we all know that it is easier said than done. We all just want to be accepted for who we are, even with all our differences, but sadly it will never work that way in our lifetimes. But it is still true that there are a decent number of people out there that can, and do, accept others who are different. You just have to find them and add them to your life. Good luck.

1

We live in a world where most people are not asexual. Of course sexuality is going to be represented in everyday culture. I've never really looked into it, but in music and film, I expect you'd find more exposure to romantic interest than to sexuality per se. I certainly wouldn't say that sexuality is everywhere I look, and as some living outside of the cishetero norms, I tend to notice overrepresentation of heterosexuality and underrepresentation of homosexuality and bisexuality.

I have absolutely zero interest in sport. And yes, it does annoy me when people talk about it inappropriately (e.g. in a work meeting that I can't get out of, or miscategorising their post on a forum so that my filters don't hide it.) But I don't expect culture around me to give up making references to sport. Live and let live. I will just do my best to ignore it.

Perhaps there is more room for asexual cultural representation. The assumption that everyone must have a sexual interest in someone else is something that needs to be challenged. But I would liken an expectation to desexualise society to a trans person not just demanding that people respect their gender neutral pronouns, but that everyone else starts using gender neutral pronouns too. It's one thing to expect society to adapt, to recognise and embrace you. It's an entirely different thing to expect society to suppress its own interests and identities, just to placate yours.

0

I am sorry to hear this. I have a friend who is asexual. I don't know how he copes with it or what his struggles are. He is pretty reserved about it and doesn't talk much other than to say he is asexual when a sexual topic comes up. I understand that to mean he doesn't enjoy sex and therefore has no frame of reference to the current conversation so I do my best to steer back onto non-sexual topics.

Nukdookum Level 8 May 10, 2019
0

Join the club. I too am asexual, have Aspergers and am a atheist. I find that almost all Netflix content is very allosexual. I am severely disabled with chronic pain and my only friend is my dog. I vape medical marijuana for the pain and to elevate my mood.

Theresa_N Level 8 May 10, 2019
0

I understand asexual but what is allosexual? That's new to me...

It refers to someone who feels inherent sexual attraction or desire. The opposite of asexual.

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