4 6

Needs a better title.

Empty power:

Shattered glass hiding in hollowed past.

Bright of night blinded by insight.

Dusk be dawn cowardice so long.

Panic with lust there is no trust in rusted bust.

Shallow down the hollow well of tomorrows.

Swim in the soil spewing with pools of mineral oils.

Erecting berms out of embers of remember.

Hours of towers emitting no mortal powers.

azzow2 9 June 9
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4 comments

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1

Your title fits perfectly.

2

Title: "Tread not in this lot!"
?

FrayedBear Level 9 June 10, 2018
2

4th line alternative for "so long" try "so drawn" to maintain the lovely internal rhyming of the first three lines. Bust is superfluous imo as rust is bust so just end the line with rust which I think helps the scansion. Ditto "mineral".
Good one.

FrayedBear Level 9 June 10, 2018
2

Very interesting poem, can’t come up with better title though!

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