thank you. you are very kind labeling my words important.

@Lillyfield41 Prolly a trumpian slip.

well, the office politics and nonsense in that third of my day is pretty much the same bullshit that everyone is going through. it's not that i'm uninspired, i'm just tired. if i can get my laptop open in the evening, i would be able to get words strung together. i don't know what to do to combat the exhaustive discouragement my body is pushing down upon me. Thanks for your thoughts.

i have [diagnosed] chronic pancreatitis and bipolar 1 - both of which are exhausting. the mental demands of my job right now is wearing me out. it's so bad, i'm thinking about applying for disability. i have notes all over the place and i just have to do it. this weekend i have an appointment with someone who wants me to start her biography. maybe knowing it's 'work' with deadlines will at least get my computer open. when it's open and my fingers are on the keys, i pretty much write until my eyes close for the night. it's just been so hard to open the laptop to start. (not because i don't know what to write, but i don't feel like doing it.) Thanks for your words.

@Lillyfield41 Do explore the food issue. Reactions can take days. And combinations can also be a disguiser. Eating the same food too often (every day) can result in an intolerance.
No beans for me now. And seeds have recently headed their ugly rears, so no almonds, flax,...

@Lillyfield41 don't close the laptop.

It's not blocked. it's exhaustion and stress. my mind is spinning, i just can't open my computer at home (or lunch at work.). it's just disheartening. i did join a writing group locally and i'm a part of a ton of facebook writing groups that encourage each other; but honestly, the only thing i've been doing to decompress is knitting and now that i signed up for this site, i've been looking at posts each night. it's not productive and definitely not moving along my transition to full time writer. Thanks for your thoughts.

I've been a ghost and freelancer several times. I supported my bills for two years while in between full-time 9-5's. I'm working on 3 projects for others and 2 of my own. I can do it. I love doing it. But like @resserts comments below... Stress just won't let me write. I started a blog, www.writinginrowhouse.com to help me sort through some emotions on writing and bipolar as well as to save and share some of my writing. I just feel like all I've done is commute to work, commute to couch. I will chwck out the link in more detail. Thanks so much!

@Lillyfield41 -- Aha. Understood.

This is it exactly!

☺ i don't want one more job for someone else. I really would like to keep writing so that i can suppprt my life with it. I like having fancy dog food and health insurance. I just havent had any motivation to pursue my passion because i'm drained from the circus.

that doesn't happen overnight and meanwhile rent must be paid and the dog must be fed.

g