(part 2
•made to believe feelings were understood,
Thought our love was strong i thought we could,
• we agreed if resumed we could not be as one,
Leaned n protected dreaming that we won.....
• every sight seen was clouded with dark smoke
Tempting and pushing until the last thread broke.
• exhausted and beaten there was no more fight,
Our surrender to come.. ripped us was light.
• each mystical spark darkens as it gose,
Blinded by sight the heart than froze,
...its a never ending fight...
- recovering addict (6 months clean)
0
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.The content is solid and strong. That being said, you have much to learn about rhythm/cadence/meter. Grammar, though not a specific issue in poetry, is important. You also need to expand your vocabulary to increase your range. It would also be wise to pay some attention to spelling.
Note: None of the things I mentioned say you are not possessed of a poet's heart. The feeling I got from your first attempt says you certainly have potential and I would be interested in seeing your progress as you do more work.
Note Note: Everything I mentioned is in the realm of the mechanics of writing and they can be learned by anyone who has the desire to express themselves, the discipline to stay with it, and the willingness to listen, learn, and grow.
evidentialist
Level 8
Feb 5, 2019
0
Thank you n like i mentioned in part 1 its a ruff draft 
@Miizzunderstood -- Yes, you did, and I've been writing professionally for just short of three times longer than you have been alive. During that time I've had occasion to work with quite a few authors and have edited the works of many more. I have gotten a number of new writers published, either indirectly or directly. What all that means is, I've heard and seen a lot, including that phrase, rough draft, used several different ways.
If you want to advance your craft, you will need to become brutally honest with yourself and others, and you'll try not to alienate those who might be in a position to help you do that. I'm imagining that this sounds preachy to you, but it's not. It is telling you like it is.
@evidentialist I respect that n im sorry if i came off rude i would love for u to continue to follow on my poetry i just posted another one if u can take a look at it for me thank you ?
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