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Where is she?

I’m a 38 year old guy who’s single and simply can’t seem to find the right woman for me... What am I doing wrong?

All of my friends from high school and college found their dream women during their early to mid 20’s... now they are married... (many of them are married for the second or third time ha ha)

I on the other hand couldn’t find anywhere near the right woman for me in my 20’s, 30’s, and I’m soon to be 40! (39 in October)

I’ve always felt rather invisible to most women...

I feel like I’m going crazy ? ha ha

I’m a smart guy who honestly knows how to treat a woman like a lady as I’ve had a few ok relationships over the years, but never with women who were on the same road as I was on...

I have always been focused on my career and trying my best to make myself the best example of myself that I can...

I’m honestly a good guy and I’m tired of being single and lonely...

I would love to have that special woman in my life, who I can call my equal partner and we can be happy together...

So where is she?

I’m lost in this crazy world of dating and trying to find the right woman for me...

Thanks, John

Jc007 6 July 25
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12 comments

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1

Those of your friends on wife #2 or #3 probably actually didn't find their "dream woman" in their twenties. Anyway, "dream women" are highly overrated; actual women for whom you have realistic expectations are better.

0

If you only want women who have never been married, or have no kids, at your age you are Severly limiting yourself to rejects & losers, IMO.

0

My friend just got married for the first time at 50 and was close to what you described yourself. He findly found his lady at an art muesem on a rainy Sunday PM who was looking at the saame picture he was,.

Marine Level 8 July 25, 2018
1

How important is it to you to find a woman without kids and who hasn't been married? That does cut your dating pool down quite a bit. Maybe consider someone who either is or soon will be an empty nester.

@Jc007 Ok, I was just asking because I thought your original posting said something about most women having children or are divorced. Not sure if I misread it or you edited it.

0

Here is an idea.....print up business cars that say....
"Single? --If interested contact me.
Then include your name , phone number with area code, and email address.

Pass them out when you see a woman you think might be a prospect.
Maybe even put your photo on the card like Real Estate people usually do.

0

If she reads your post she will contact you.

0

So it happens on all sides of the gender/sexual orentation/sex/kink divides. Before me & my docs figured out what was wrong with me, I felt the same way. No man/women wanted me and it HURT (still does). Now that I'm chronically ill and have nothing to give to anyone, I gave that dream up. From my research, the concept of being a couple or finding 'the one' is falling by the way side with GenZ. Well see if it continues.

3

Chin up! There's only about 3 1/2 BILLION women on the planet. I'm sure you just haven't met Miss Right yet because you haven't met them all. Get out there big guy. She might be in Sri Lanka or Peru ever think of that? My sister is available but I wouldn't recommend her, she's terrible. So I cut your search down a bit. Hope it helps.

@Jc007
First off she looks like me. That should be enough right there. She still beats me up too.

2

You have to love yourself first.

@Jc007 Maybe you need a dog.

@Jc007 Sorry to hear that. Have you thought of perhaps getting a life coach? They may be able to help or at least say where you go wrong.

2

Hi John,

About 18 months ago I came out of a 24 year old marriage. I thought I had found the woman I would grow old with. But we just couldn't go the distance.

So now I am in a similar position as you - 50 years old; educated; urbane (I like to think); well travelled and I love women. And I am finding it a jungle other there to meet someone else.

I agree with other posts here - focus on yourself. Concentrate on pursuing your interests. Any whiff of desperation will make women run away; self confidence and self assuredness is attractive. That is my approach, anyway.

Best of luck.

0

Stay positive and keep your head up. I'm trying to get use to this dating world as well. Chances are you missed a lot of hard ache and pain in the past. I'm not an expert but I have read plenty of books. Lol. I think you should concentrate on yourself and not your friends. Have confidence in yourself. Also keep yourself clean and dress with style.(your style). Women love confident clean men. Also you should try flirting once in awhile. Depending on where you live be ready to be rejected a lot. Unfortunately, women today don't want a "nice" guy because he is perceived to be a square. Honestly, we are just respectful. Also try to get involved in hobbies where you meet a lot of people. Oh, and did I say have confidence in yourself?
Hope this helps a little. All in all women don't know what they want sometimes. Dont get discouraged. It's hard not to tho. Good luck out there!

I keep wondering who came up with concept of ," Women don't like nice men came from ." Being nice is , " NOT , " the problem . Problem areas are : Not taking care of yourself ( poor hygiene ) . Not taking care of yourself ( Can't or won't support yourself ) . Not taking care of yourself ( can't handle your finances ) . Can't take care of yourself ( problems with alcohol , drugs , smoking , ill health ) Can't take care of yourself (hanging with the wrong crowd ) . Can't take care of yourself ( still haven't cut the apron strings ) Not taking care of yourself ( have no ambition , not planning and working to a brighter future . The fact that you have a job is a good start . But you need to have an active plan for improving your situation .)

@Cast1es maam you make a great point. However, if I viewed things that way I would have women lining up down the road to talk to me. You are also thinking from your point of view which doesnt make you wrong either. I don't understand how women constantly find those men you mentioned. It's like they are attracted to them. That's why I will never feel sorry for a woman who claims there are no good men left. I believe they are just looking in the wrong place. It also hurts women's chances when they feel the guy has to approach them. It's nearly impossible for guys to approach every woman in the room casually. Sometimes the woman has to recognize a good man and approach him or at least be in his line of sight to be noticed. You know us men. We have to practically get slapped in the face to realize what is going on. We don't watch romance movies to know all the different body languages of a woman. Perhaps there is money in teaching men that. Lol

3

You might have better luck if you focus less on your carreer and yourself and started focusing on life and living it.

YES, finding a reason to 'live' is REALLY important. My ex-husband had no extra-curricular interests, male friends, hobbies, etc. He worked and then came home expecting sex and went to sleep afterwards. That got really OLD! We did go out to the movies and to eat as an 'activity,' but that was all, and that's just freaking... Sigh. I want a man that has a life, that has interests, that pursues those interests, that has friends of his own, that will freaking wear shorts when the situation calls for it, that is happy with himself, and grooms himself -clean hands and toenails. I further want a man that can laugh at himself. I cannot stand thin-skin people of either gender who cannot take a self-deprecating joke. I LOVE to laugh! A man doesn't have to be a comedian, but we can go to a stand-up show and laugh. So, John, find things that you might want to do and find people to do it with, she just might be in that crowd.

@Georgy303, geez, I wish you were 20 yrs older and lived in So Cal, you've got good words, and I like your thinking.

@Condor5 yeah. That's a mature woman for you. Lol

@Condor5 Thank you gentelmen.

@Condor5, @Jc007 I do hope you find her. But first have fun with yourself. Good luck.

@Georgy303 well, I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "have fun with yourself," but I'll assume it's positive?

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