yes, I know someone else who thinks that way. However, he realizes and hopefully you do too, that you have so much to accomplish before your time is finished here. You probably have so much in you that still needs to come out, and hopefully you are working on that. Maybe you are writer? Maybe you’re a musician? Maybe you need to adopt puppies? Anyway, the gist of it is, yes we are irrelevant… But we can still have a great life!

If the only reason for living is your 9 year old son then he is the purpose in your life.

Hi. Did something along the line of Euthenasia? For example, people who may have a terrible illness, and, want to end their lives the way they see fit?

Being an Atheist has made me love the mystery of the Universe even more. I am more fearless, fascinated, empowered, and loving being a Human.

I also like to question everything, its what makes life interesting. I must say that although I havent really considered suicide, I have been thinking about dying. All of us die there is no escape from it. Best case scenario is that you die painlessly in your sleep, but obviously there is no garauntee. I hope you are not avoiding attempting suicide now because you feel you owe it others not to. If you are thinking this then you should absolutely get help right away.

Also when you say that you question everything, and you came to the realisation that you are ultimately irrelevant. Ask yourself, what is the likelyhood that you were even born in the first place. Trust me, there is overwhelming amounts of evidence to suggest that it is astronomically unlikely. Into a world (despite its faults) where you can have TV, internet, transport, warm accomodation, the chance to earn a living, (to make a difference to the people that care about you), in a time with medical science as advanced as it is, or a chance to to educate yourself with vast amounts of data at hand in pretty much any field you can think of. All things considered I would say it is a good thing to be alive today, and I don't think you will find it too difficult to find some relevance to your life.

Thinking about suicide isnt a bad thing, but thinking that it is a good idea is a bad thing (unless someone is in great pain with no cure)

I haven't thought of suicide per se, but I have been in dark places in my head, where I didn't care two shits if I passed on in my sleep... but it doesn't happen often. Otherwise, I'm a pretty happy guy that enjoys life and the people around me, even though I know that in the end, it's all meaningless.

I'm not understanding why you're considering it... Is it just because it's the ultimate expression of freedom? Is life not enjoyable to you?

Yes, I think you've found the reason we keep going. Your son. As he grows your responsibility will change and you'll want to provide in many ways for him and his family. Somewhere along the line it will follow that the greater society will need your contribution as well.

Hang in there. Many people have observed that just showing up is really important.