Agnostic.com

16 2

Avoiding the Friend Zone

What are things people do that makes you want to be friends but not lovers?

paul1967 8 Oct 19
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

16 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

I don't have a friend zone I either like you or you're someone I know. It's usually their actions towards me on how people get treated. Cause that is one of my main rules "treat people the way you want to be treated"

0

I have very close female friends, and they will always be in the friend zone, never to be intimate, just the way it is. My issue with FZ seems to be ladies I have been intimate with, who stay forever in contact, not that is is a great problem I guess just a constant in my life. It does concern new possible partners though, ie "well as long as you have never slept with her!" oops.

0

The "Friend Zone" doesn't exist. There are only people who want to date you and people who don't. The term is usually perpetuated by those who feel entitled to sexual relations with someone just because they have been nice to them.

To answer your question though, there is nothing that people do specifically. I'm either romantically or sexually interested in them, or I'm not. Attracfion is a fairly ineffable thing.

3

The friend zone is a dark and nebulous place that you want to avoid at all costs. When ever you find yourself in the friend zone, use this quick exercise to find out how to get out : Did I spend money/time/energy on this person because I wanted to/enjoyed it or because I thought it would make them more inclined to have sex with me? If you wanted to, you did a nice thing for someone, why are you mad? If you expected sex (from anyone who did not explicitly negotiate clear acts they would be willing to perform with you for the agreed upon payment), what the fuck is wrong with you? Exercise over.

Orly Level 5 Oct 22, 2017
0

Anyone who doesn't make me laugh or is hard to talk to.

2

Everyone starts off in my 'friend zone', then, as time progresses, it may or may not develop into something else. I find it amusing that people dread the 'fz'. I'd rather take my time to work out whether I want a greater level of involvement and intimacy with someone else. Intentional result is what I want within an intimate connection. We just didn't drift into it. We chose to be here - eyes wide open. So, if you want to friend zone me, I'm fine with that. Plenty of benefits there to be enjoyed!

I think it's a different definition of friend zone. To me anyways the friend zone would be me having feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate because of whatever reason. I'm on board with your definition of FZ because it's a good foundation, but there comes a time where one wants more, and the other doesn't, that is the FZ I'm talking about.

4

"Friend zone" used to be called a one-sided crush. You can't force attraction.

I'm suffering from that, and I can't seem to shake it. I give too much I get nothing. I just have to remember it's only chemicals running through my brain and it's up to me to stop it.

0

If they smoke, they will never be more than friends.

1

I think most people can tell right away if the attraction is there or not. For me, I have a specific dynamic, and I guess that makes me picky or whatever. But if you sound like you’re not intelligent, that’s automatic no for me.

0

If there isn't that physical connection, then that's a tell take sign for sure. It might be something like how they live or handle every day issues, etc. One needs to feel that connection and if that is not there, then it's the friend zone.

1

If I don't feel attracted to a person I friend zone them immediately. Sometimes, I question my decision but then the person I friend zoned does something to further cement my placing them there.

SamL Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
1

not feeling interested in the person lmao, thats actually the only thing

0

I think that I would have to completely agree with DeiP, with the added proviso that they also not be male, since I am totally heterosexual.

1

I don't understand the "friend zone". Is that the people that are above average, but in the first 2 standard deviations of compatibility? For me, sex is entangled with emotions and I think that is how people who "friend zone" you think. It's not like a penalty box at a hockey game, but that's how people who get "friend zoned" think. I have never been friend zoned. I have fallen for women who didn't see me as compatible for romance. As "personal" as that rejection is(and it hurts a bit) it's not personal to them because I am simply not a compatible person. Just my 2 cents.

Two cents worth spending. I thought that was very well thought out and you clearly understand the dynamics of relationship formation.

7

Well you always want to be your authentic self.
Personally I have way higher standards for boyfriends then I do friends. For example i can be friends with someone who is religious, smokes, does drugs or is an alcoholic but not interested in more then that.

DeiP Level 5 Oct 20, 2017
3

I think you know right away if there is at least a potential. I meet people and see them right away as potential friends, but others as potential partners. I have heard people say that they became partners after years of friendship, but I think that happens after major life events, which may change the dynamics of the friendship.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:1821
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.