Why Do We Allow Blatant Bullying Here?
This is part question, part rant, and part plea.
I love this community. I love this web site. I am grateful to @admin and anybody else involved in creating this space for us. I am even more grateful that the site is ad free and free of charge.
We have some wonderful people here -- of every stripe imaginable. We have young and old, all kinds of sexual orientations, gender identities, races, ethnicities, shapes, sizes, educational background, widowed, married, partnered, poly and mono -- a freaking cornucopia of people.
The thing that brings us all together and the thing that most of us have in common is that we identify in one way or another as non-believers in the supernatural. Our own awesome space!
There are differing opinions. There are agreements. There are people who care about each other and care about this community. Just read through the threads and you will see post after post, and comment after comment, and reply after reply of support, sharing of life experiences, words of encouragement, suggestions, humor, advice, heartfelt condolences, jokes, and enthusiastic cheerleading.
An area where I see many of these strong, outspoken and compassionate members not showing up is when one of our members -- especially somebody new -- is being bullied. I'm truly sadly disappointed about that.
Time and again, I see a member verbally sparring with somebody with clearly no real purpose except to be demeaning, condescending, and flat-out mean-spirited for what appears to be NO reason except that he or she can. Being sarcastic and occasional short-fused is one thing. To belittle somebody is a whole other situation. And, when my own mouth drops, I think "Well somebody will say that is not cool." But so far, by and large, people don't and people haven't.
So, I'm curious and I genuinely want to know why don't some of us stand up for somebody who is being bullied? Why aren't some of us doing our part to say "We don't treat people that way here."?
Is it not wanting to make waves?
Is it not wanting to upset the apple cart?
Is it not wanting to lose favor with the bully?
Are you so easygoing that you simply don't recognize bullying?
Is it truly just not caring?
My personal solution has been to simply block people. But a couple of recent threads have really hit a nerve with me. I could have chosen block, but that would not have done anything for what I see as a failure on our part as a COMMUNITY. We do everything else so WELL. Why aren't we doing this?
In real life, would you let somebody behave so poorly toward another member of your family or your community -- or would you say "Not here and not today, champ!" ? I'd like to know from your OWN perspective. Not maybes. Not hypotheticals. Not "If the person can't take it...." I sincerely am interested in knowing about when YOU have seen it, and what YOUR gut reaction was, and how YOU came to the decision to just keep scrolling.
Thank you for listening and hopefully sharing your own thoughts on this. No matter what you write, I really do appreciate your sharing and your insight.
Where is the bullying? I haven't seen it and I'd like to know where I need to look...
The most I have seen is someone getting called out for a post that showcased hypocrisy and a bad attitude. That thread was called into question but I don't think there was any "bullying" there--just bitter medicine.
The minute I see legitimate bullying I'll call it out.
I personally have had many problems with people being jerks to me and I've even removed posts and stopped posting because of it. I've also became more aggressive and fought back. I now find I don't like the person I'm becoming on here. I've also started blocking people. I'm tired of being told my posts are stupid or worthless. It makes me not want to be here anymore.
I don't have much to say other than I hate it and I believe it has much to do with ego. The first time I got slammed (on wonderful FB not here yet) made me all upset and nervous. Now? I tell them to "fuck right off". It feels good!
Me and mine call it "dick waving".....
I've been a member for a very short time, but have read a lot of posts. I have not seen anything I would classify as bullying, but I have seen comments that I would term "snarky." Some people just seem to be in pissed off mode all the time. I do wonder though, why those members don't just refrain from commenting on other people's posts and just start their own.
I know what you’re talking about and I have also just chosen to block those people. Mostly what I see is people who just want to argue because they like the sound of their own “voice” so to speak. I see people talking down to others who don’t agree with them in ways I suppose could be called intellectually bullying. I guess the reason I don’t do more is because I have no interest in or patience for internet arguing and so to intentionally start a “fight” with someone because I don’t like that they are doing that exact same thing with someone else seems counterproductive. Now that I’m thinking about it though... Maybe there is a better choice.
I haven't seen what I would define as "bullying" I've seen sarcasm, snarky comments, misunderstands and flawed arguments.... but not bullying. I've seen people get their adder handed to them for making a bad claim or not being able to back up their claim.....but that's not bullying. Maybe give us an example? Sorry if I missed it in your post I haven't had coffee yet
Seems like we're all going to read this and wonder which posts you mean and unless we know it's all guesswork so rather than more hints could you link or cut n paste some of the most offensive?
There's a lot going on here, and I easily could have missed it. thnx
VictoriaNotes is quite right. You only meet the new members by chance. This site has no home page where you can go to see who's new. I discover sometimes newbies that are already level 2 or so. There is no place to greet them and to watch what they are posting. BlueWave is quite right, bullying should not be an issue on this site. New ones can be "guided" into the platform and there is no need to do that in a bullying or arrogant way. Many new members need some compassion from people that realize that they were newbies once too. The admin checks the posts of these newbies, but should also be aware of the communication that is towards those new ones that have no idea of how this site works and what they can expect. When I was new here in December or so, I have not done anything, did hardly post, because I had no idea. And when I started I had a conversation about the level system. I can't say I was attacked or bullied, but as far as I remember not all replies were friendly, like "it's our site and don't argue about the setup. If you don't like it, you don't have to come here" I almost left until some friendly lady explained me that the level-point system was to reveal trolls. Although I don't know if that works, at that moment it was for me acceptable explanation. I also realized that there are more benefits.
But as I am, by the site, not introduced to new members, I can't can't see the communication either. So bullying is like often quite invisible that way.
I hope this post and the replies motivates the admins to solve this problem, most likely by making the new members better visible.
I've seen name calling and smart ass remarks pointed to a member. I have flag 2 people and one of them explained their mistake and i accepted their answer and contacted admin to remove my flag. I can only say that some people forget how powerful words can effect others and they just ramble on. It's sad that some know the answer and have to explain how many degrees they have and where they work to justify that their answer is the one we should all listen to. They're are some that are really good at copy and paste like it was their answer and they wrote it. It's just a thing... I get hit a lot... sometimes they're right and I submit to their answer and I correct my comment. If it's a touchy subject... I leave it alone and move on... but I hear what your saying... your going to meet all kinds of people in here... if they're rude... set them straight.
It may be more helpful to point out concrete cases -- personally I have never seen any of the things you describe but I do not read all posts so might well have missed them.
However, I have the feeling that maybe, given the various backgrounds and locations members come from here, what one person interprets as "bullying" may not have been the actual intention?
I am just speculating here, but I have learned that e.g. for some people especially in the US, my generous use of "fuck" and similar words in some of my remarks comes across in a completely different way than intended -- apparently they are obliged to wash their mouths with soap every time they say "fuck". I have no fucking idea why and frankly, I do not really give a fuck, but this is my observation.
I haven't seen much bullying here. I can remember one case, and that was a religious person joining the site to troll us. I think the reason for me not seeing much is that I tend to stay out of areas where it is most likely to occur. Even the most rational amongst us tend to get emotional and react in irrational ways over certain topics.
Having not seen the bullying, I can't say if you're being too sensitive. I would guess that you are not.
Blue, I agree in your overall theme, that we as a forum and as a country, should stand up against bullying, whether we are being bullied or we witness it.
I guess, my thought is "is it really bullying?" I've seen some shit that I consider pretty rude, but I guess I don't consider myself the person who makes the actual "bully" designation.
But, you are right. I need to take the leap of faith. (there's a weird comment)
I have noticed some responses that could be interpreted as sarcastic or rude depending on the mood your in when reading. I find it is hard to attribute emotions to the written word since it is dependant on the readers perspective. Trying to determine the mood or the frame of mind the writer is in, can be difficult.
I haven't noticed anyone being "mean" as of yet but I will be a little more attentive from now on.
Well, why are you waiting for someone else to speak up? I appreciate your concerns, but in my experience attempting to defend someone earns you anger because the person you are "defending" feels put down because you feel they need defending. I do! If I am competent enough to post something, I am prepared to stand behind it (or maybe change my mind if presented with more facts) and nasty comments are generally either so stupid as to be not worth my time, or fun to be snarky about.
Personally I have not come across any bullying on this site.If I do, I will stand up and say something. This is a wonderful site for all, honestly I feel at home here, I feel welcomed, that is something that no other site offers, everyone has been so kind and genuine