They DO actually work, in all kinds of combinations - but only with SOME people. Definitely not for everyone.

Monogamy, do you think they can actually work? ????
I'm only in part kidding. Devoice rates and lots of people in loveless marriages. Most don't seem to work out. I don't think humans know what makes us happy. I don't have a position myself, but I like the fact that people are trying things. It might be that different things work for different people. I know people in polyamorous relationships and they seem to have the same issues and successes and monogamous ones.

In a few instances maybe but for most of us that's a big heap of social conditioning to overcome.

I'm sure it's possible for some, but not all. I think anyone entering into such a relationship would really have to be very self-aware. They'd need to know, going in, if they can handle it, or not. I'm not sure I could. I really don't believe in monogamy being natural, but I also know I don't share well. Which is why I'm probably better off not being in any relationship.

Worked for me It just has to be the right dynamic. I dated a couple once and it was the most fulfilling, happy relationship that I have ever had. They broke it off after seven years over one wanting children and the other not. They both wanted to date me separately but I didn’t date either of them because the awesome dynamic was no longer there. I am still friends with both of them and they have each moved on to new partners.

for some people, the plural of spouse is spice

I'm sure they for some people. It's not for me, though - I like commitment and monogamy, but different strokes for different folks and all that.

Well I do like parrots but I don't think id like to get passionate about one but everyone to there own.

I think that they can work if everybody can check their jealousy at the door. While many people can or will say this, not everyone can actually do it.

To expand loving relationships in number would, in my current view, require establishing an enduring bond of trust and complete understanding first with one other as a basis.

When two people thoroughly know each other, a state of being that requires lots of time, they can then see one another in an accurate frame of reference and easily anticipate how the other would behave and react in most circumstances. There are no substitutes for respect, trust and admiration as elements mutually shared ( by mutually I mean toward self as well as toward the other ) elements in primary bonding.

We ought not have to close ourselves off from close friendships and even loving (not necessarily intimate) relationships with people beyond our primary . Unfortunately, our society and almost all it's institutions impose roles upon us and rigid definitions on our relationships that undermine strong, respectful intrinsic bonds.

Not the least of the destructive influences is attitudes held by both males and females that are the products of Patriarchy and it's destructive effects on equal sharing of just about everything of value, emotionally and materially.

Nature seems to have instilled a sense of exclusivity related to human bonding inclusive of sexual intimacy. I believe it to be an instinctive necessity to the emotional security of both individuals. Expanded, close and even loving relationships that don't exclude that element, deferring to the primary one, are almost certain to undermine it. If the primary relationship is weak in the first place, ANY extended relationships will jeopardize it.

Our society and certainly religious institutions specialize in preventing strong, healthy emotional bonds by externally controlling and defining duties in relationships; by making them something of a 'business deal' in which the nature of the process becomes a careful trade instead of an abandonment to mutual sharing.

Polyamory? Given our social state of affairs, making it common is a great ideal but a long way off. What little could be studied of the few surviving Matriarchal societies in the last century or two seems to indicate a better chance within those type cultures.

They can if it is truly what everyone involved wants. It's sure to fail if one or more people are just playing along to please another.

I thought that was the norm for most people

I think they can. If that lifestyle is of interest to you I think you should be open and discuss it with your potential partners. I noted that you expressed your sexual orientation as bisexual. Otherwise it may be something you regret not trying. I hope you find contentment.

Yes,

I was in a successful triad for a number of years until one passed away from a brain tumour.

From my perspective it can be effective if there is honest open communication.

I was intrigued by the some people’s comments about jealousy. My experience was actually the opposite, so in fact the emotion of compersion was what I felt.

If nothing else it would be fun for awhile.

Yes, they can certainly work. I've been polyamorous since my teens, so that's over 30 years of experience with ethical non-monogamy. One of those relationships lasted 14 years.

I have tried monogamy. I don't have any problem being monogamous - I've never cheated on anyone in my life - but I'm just not as happy that way.

I am open about being ethically non-monogamous on my OKCupid profile. I frequently get messages from men who are 1) religious; 2) married; 3) looking to cheat. Invariably, when I point out that I'm not interested in cheating or helping them to cheat, they respond with something nasty. I just jump right ahead these days and block them after the first message.

I find it funny that so many people think polyamory doesn't work because some poly relationships end or "fail."* Why isn't monogamy judged by the same standard? Most people aren't even monogamous - they practice serial monogamy. Since they often line up the next partner before they've actually ended things with their current partner, they're just dishonest about whether they're even monogamous.

*I don't agree that relationships that end are "failures." That's only valid if you've fallen for the poisonous notion that there is only one perfect partner for each of us - a "soulmate." We're with people for different periods of time, and we have different things to learn from each relationship.

It all depends on what the members involved are able to handle. I like poly because in a mono relationship, people hold onto their significant other with jealousy and if the partner sleeps around it's a betrayal of trust. But with poly, you don't have that. There's an understanding what you're getting into from the start and there's plenty of love to go around. The catch is that there's more you have to do if you have more than one partner. More gifts you have to buy and more places to take them than when you're just with one person. I would advocate poly for someone if they absolutely have the means of supporting multiple partners and not just one.

They have and do. They are subject to the same problems as binomial relationships.
All relationships end. All relationships change. Compatibility is not reduced by the number of persons involved. That they are actively discriminated against makes for rougher going, As in same sex relationships.

It works for the people it works for, I suppose. But it wouldn't work for me. I have enough challenges with one person, let alone two or more.

I suppose they could. And perhaps they do, somwhere. But I've never seen it happen.

Like in any relationship, requires like-minds and Communication/understanding.. I've not had structured poly-relationships, but idyllic situations when opportunity has been there, sex is a handy-release between like-minded new and old-fwb friends.. to make it work in a relationship (and I've seen it work in probably a 50/50 balance) there is a common understanding about what is acceptable, and what is cheating (secret rendezvous' are obviously cheating) Obviously, on a physical level, new sex is exciting, when it's blessed-off by your partner, that's ultimate freedom, and , to my way of thinking, builds a closer bond

I desire to have many partners, but I can't handle my partners being with other people, so I could not be in a polyamorous relationship.

People who cheat say they are monogamous, but really, are they? One of the two in such a relationship may be monogamous, unless both cheat. Is lying better than being honest? It seems most people think so.

No. A married couple cannot fully love one another if that love is divided among other people. There cannot be true intimacy if what is supposed to be intimate is shared with others. Polyamory is not marriage. In no sense is a marriage supposed to be open to sexual activity outside of the marriage.

Polyamory is, in reality, “poly-lust-ory.” There is nothing loving about it. This is a perversion of marriage .