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Have bad experiences ruined your image of a specific sex?

This question is mainly for straight women, somewhat for straight men, yet could be more interesting if some gays/lesbians answer.

I'd like to know if the hubbub on social media, the news, or even traumatic personal experiences have led you to seriously question the general sanity of people of a certain sex.

Being a straight guy, and having been told in earnest I'm one of the good ones (pardon my self-plug 🙂), I'm quite sheltered from actual experiences of the atrocities of males. Also, being an exceptionally picky dude, have only met a scant few "crazy women", and I certainly haven't dated any.

I'm not looking for advice. I'm asking about your personal feelings and experiences on the opposite or same sex, that you're willing to share.

Cuberon_Blocket 4 Mar 6
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7 comments

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I really dislike generalizing. Good and bad exist in any group/gender/whatever. "crazies" may occur anywhere !

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I think it's a mistake to place the locus of blame on a gender. While in my experience women have their own unique ways of being asshats, men are, in their own way, equally hideous. And given the historical context of patriarchy, men have generally gotten away with a LOT more (and a lot worse).

It's easy to be blind to your own, or your gender's, bad faith and perfidy, and to be acutely sensitive to that of your partner or their gender.

The real problem is the human condition. It's true that it effects men and women, in general terms, differently. But I see no evidence that men are more virtuous and blameless than women, or in particular that they are victims compared to women.

I am disappointed in relationships and in women on an overall basis; considering my life as a whole, I wish I hadn't bothered. But I also had a role in all that, and have to factor in who the common denominator is here, where there might be something actionable for me -- not some floating, nameless "women" ... but ME. I often ruefully joke that I'm not only not the man I used to be; evidently, I never WAS the man I used to be.

So while I'm deeply disappointed in the whole notion of romantic love, the ideal of a "soulmate", etc., I am not embittered as a result toward women. It simply hasn't worked out for me specifically as I'd hoped, with the tiny sample of partners I've been involved with. And if I'm honest, I don't know anyone for whom it has, not over time, especially the long haul. Long term relationships aren't a magic nostrum for what ails you, they are more an amplifier of whatever you bring to them. They are, over time, invariably a lot of work in exchange for uncertain outcomes.

Once in a great while, a couple grabs the "brass ring" that everyone wants -- the so-called "vital marriage" that is mostly conflict-free, that flows pretty organically, and which both parties consider the greatest joy of their existence. And I'm not sure there's a lot of rhyme or reason to when that happens or doesn't, frankly. It's more luck than skill really.

That sounds right. Part of the reason I haven't been trying particularly hard get into a relationship is that I know how hard it is to live with people for extended periods. I had a roommate in college that was the nicest guy I ever met, and we never argued about anything. But we also had our own rooms and our own schedules. Also, that was only one, of the four. Some of them were real turds. What if I were with a woman who demanded my time, lest it mean that I "didn't love them" or that we've "grown apart"? So many people looking for their storybook relationship, which is fine, but I know I personally would have trouble devoting all my attention to a woman unless she and I like all the same things at exactly the same time. Maybe that's not a good thing to be saying if I'm actually looking, though then again, no point in lying about it.

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I would think it is a resounding yes for many men and women.

I know, i would have thought so too. But as most of us can't accurately say if they speak for a majority, i figured I'd ask. I'm surprised by the answers.

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I question the sanity of everyone regardless of their gender or orientation.

I find it hard to believe that has a guy you haven't heard the bragging, suggestions, or comments of the jackasses.

JimG Level 8 Mar 7, 2019

I shouldn't suggest that i haven't at all, but very little since high school. In college there was only one specific guy that was like that, but it was art school and everyone was pretty liberal, so I feel like I probably wasn't getting a good sample either.

@Cuberon_Blocket I've known a lot, unfortunately.

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No.

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No, I look at people each as an individual not a group.

1

no. i still like women.

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