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"I'm part of an LGBTQ family. Here's what I do when strangers ask invasive questions."

I love her conclusion:

"I will never blame those who feel they should put their elbows out and keep it moving, that a few words imparted in a parking lot won’t make a discernible difference.As a Real Talk post on Medium articulated, "We don’t owe you friendship, loyalty or respect. We damn sure don’t owe you what little energy we have leftover from fighting a system designed to keep us oppressed."

"For now, I am committed to mustering up what energy I have left after fighting injustice and raising a toddler to try to change hearts and minds by employing restraint, empathy and a whole lot of patience. If nothing else, I hope my example helps my son grow to be the kind of human who employs compassion as he works to create a better world.

"At the very least, I hope he’ll become the type of adult who doesn’t ask strangers stupid questions in parking lots."

[huffpost.com]

LiterateHiker 9 June 13
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6 comments

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1

Just do what I do--kick 'em in the crotch and tell 'em to mind their own fucking business. It's a bit like ending an interrogative sentence with a question mark--you'd be surprised how effective it can be.

1

Good for you stick in there

bobwjr Level 10 June 13, 2019
1

A very nice message for everyone who has an open mind.

2

what we owe each other is courtesy,respect and love ,and positive learning knowledge ,Yes i certainly do hope your son becomes the human being you wish him to

Love is optional, respect is earned, and positive learning knowledge is simultaneously redundant and impossible for humans at this stage in our development.

And even courtesy is up for grabs specifically for the reason that some people don't get what I just wrote above.

2

Yeah, being asked probing questions should be qualified with "why are you asking that?"

1

I wonder if it even occurred to her that the woman might have been trying to show support with her curiosity and "acceptance" of seeing two women with a child..

..not everyone who asks a question does so out of any kind of "phobia"...

and while it might be inappropriate, the writer immediately went to a the negative side, somewhat understandably since she probably has heard more negative than positive...

You could tell by her choice of words that she immediately made just as many assumptions about the stranger...ignorance, bizarre, etc.

How are people, elderly like the stranger, like me, suppose to show support and learn if not by asking questions directly? Again, yes, I think certain questions are inappropriate but not because of her being gay...but a stranger...her hostility is obvious when she answered in such a snooty way when people asked her if she was having a boy or a girl...snarky and unnecessary...it is a common courtesy and polite question asked of most pregnant parents...

I find it sad that we have created this type of animosity and lost an opportunity to have a more open dialogue of understanding...I think she actually hurts her "cause" more than she helped it...or else, she is just one more nasty person, gay or not...

@thinktwice

I think the writer was kind. It is irritating to be asked nosy questions.

Christians ask the same, rude questions. I give smart-aleck replies:

  1. "How can you be a moral, good person without going to church or believing in God?"

ME: Being a good person is a daily, moment-to-moment choice. I don't need a book to tell me to act honest, kind and respectful. As a child, I learned when I am nice to people, they are nice in return.

  1. "What happens when we die?"

Nobody knows. I plan to become fertilizer for trees.

  1. "How did the universe begin?"

Nobody knows. Since when does being an atheist automatically make me an astrophysicist? Science advances every year.

@LiterateHiker so you automatically think that they intend to be adversarial ? I guess I want to educate and explain with the assumption that perhaps they will walk away better informed rather than with the impression of "angry atheist"

Your replies are kind and honest...I read no snark in them

@thinktwice

I can tell from their tone of voice that they are trying to pin me down, to prove I'm wrong about the existence of God.

"Martin Luther said there are no atheists," a man said triumphantly (as if that settled the matter).

"I don't CARE what a Catholic monk said over 400 years ago," I replied and laughed. "I'm leaving."

My atheist friends get asked the same questions from Christians. They are sick of it, too.

@LiterateHiker true...you can hear and see intent a lot more in person...and if they are "high and mighty" like that man...I have no patience for that...most do not want to really know...they just want to argue and be "right"

@thinktwice

Exactly.

I don't owe anybody an answer to anything if I feel it undermines my privacy. It doesn't matter if somebody is just curious.

Let 'em read a fucking book.

Most people don't think in terms of their "cause", whatever the fuck that means. Most people think in terms of leading a life as unburdened by other people's bullshit as possible.

I'm not gay, but I do have a disability that 'caring' and 'simply curious' people feel entitled to ask about constantly. I am in no way obligated to sate their curiosity, no matter how well-meaning it is, especially if it encroaches on my job, or enjoying what little of my private life I can.

Think of it this way:

You yourself would get annoyed by people, strangers mostly, asking you personal questions out of nowhere all the time. Or maybe not. Some people really, really, really like attention.

@MattChanning1 No one has to answer anything about their private lives.

I am just stating that some people just want to show interest and not ignore the elephant in the room by asking questions...of course, the questions themselves should be open for the other person not to reply or reply with whatever they want or feel comfortable with...I would not be offended if someone said to mind my own business...I feel like I put my hand out in a gesture of friendship and if someone wants to slap it away, I am fine with that as well...

@thinktwice You seem to confuse "gesture of friendship" with what is commonly known as "being a fucking busybody."

Want to make a gesture of friendship? Keep your morbid curiosity about things that don't concern you to yourself.

@MattChanning1 Well, certainly hope you have a lovely life...You are quite the charmer...bye bye...I'll be sure to point the ladies in your direction...ha

@thinktwice Translation:

"I don't have an intelligent rejoinder, so I'll just tell him nice girls don't wanna fuck him."

Yeah. How was prom?

@MattChanning1 Look...I have no beef with you...I don't know you...that was mean of me to say...I don't remember my prom much...that was nearly 50 years ago...I am taking away that I need to be more sensitive and realize that some people will take my trying to be nice as an invasion...I will take verbal and visual cues to see if anybody wants to volunteer and have a conversation...I was basing my experience on my best friend with MS as well as my own infirmaries...

Seriously, I just don't want to engage with you because you don't...so , yeah, I do hope you have a lovely life...thanks for stating your opinion

@thinktwice "Infirmities". Infirmaries are where you go to get your infirmities looked after.

My point is that making commentary about how well a fella might do with the ladies is something a dipshit teenage girl would say. Taking that into account, I'd never know your prom was actually 50 years ago.

The best way to be more sensitive is using "not asking at all" as your baseline for normal, healthy, acceptable behavior. Anything else is rude and presumes that your curiosity is benign and more important than the wishes of the person you're bothering.

Best part--No visual cues necessary. The bonus--absolutely nobody will tell you to fuck off and leave them alone.

@MattChanning1 OK...your point of view is noted...

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