Child psychology..
First, I recently won full physical custody of my daughter. Still have joint legal custody and I have to allow her mother "liberal time" with her. Made a post a lil bit ago about how her mother is bipolar (or at least high up in that spectrum) and left finger mark bruises on my daughter. It's temporary and we go back to court in November. I consider it a win/feat because Virginia is known to be pro-mother and I am obviously a male with a female child.
Anyway, something her mother does that always bothered me.. but it'd naturally lead to her getting extremely pissed when I brought it up. Whenever she was overly mean to our daughter, she'd instantly coddle her and would fight letting me get near her, even when she knew our daughter wanted me to hold her instead. She once smacked her on the bare thigh and instantly coddled her. She screamed in her face when she was about 1 year old, then instantly coddled her. I am sure she did it as well when she left the bruises and many other times I am not aware of. The closest thing I can think of is almost like stockholm syndrome.. but that isn't really accurate. I am looking to see if there is an actual term for this behavior in the world of psychology. Like creating a false sense of dependence. She used to try that kind of stuff with me, but I managed to let it go in one ear and out the other. Things like "if it weren't for me, you'd still be doing this and that".
Naturally I am going to try to hire a lawyer, but it'll be difficult to afford. Was hoping to find a term for this that I could maybe link to her bipolar disorder.
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I'm a clinical social worker. Concerning the evidence presented, I believe "physical and emotional abuser" is the term you are looking for for her. At best, any custody she has should be supervised at all times. She may have bipolar disorder, but bipolar disorder does not make someone inherently dangerous or abusive. Depending on what you know about psych, she may actually be showing signs of a personality disorder (such as Borderline Personality Disorder). The two diagnoses are commonly confused and misused by the general public. But reading up on it yourself will help you in the years to come with your daughter.
Otherwise...(to cover my ass)... Please insure all incidents of abusive, both emotional and physical, toward your daughter and yourself are documented to the proper authorities (childrens' services, police, and lawyers) in full detail.
And, I strongly suggest you seek a therapist for your daughter, and that you take part in it too. History has ways of repeating, or coming back to haunt...and therapy helps.
I'm glad to hear you have custody. That's a good start in the healing process.
APaleBlueDot
Level 7
June 22, 2019
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I've read up a good bit on bipolar, narcissistic, and borderline personality disorders and she has a lot of qualities of each.. so it's hard to pinpoint and I am also not a psychologist. She is most definitely emotionally/verbally abusive and have only seen her be physical twice now. Her condition got many times worse when she started taking kratom and became addicted to it. It's an opioid like legal plant, but from what I've heard from her and her family, anytime she is on an opioid, it brings out the worst in her.
I am keeping track of pretty much everything that goes on and have plenty of screenshots from past text conversations that highlight how she is.
@FatherOfNyx Hang in there. What's important right now is that you and your daughter are safe. As humans, we want to be able to understand it all...put all the pieces together...to come up with a picture that makes sense. Especially someone else's behaviors... Let that goal of having it make sense be a long-term goal for now. What is important right now is keeping focus on the goals at hand.... calm/loving stability for a young one, hedging bets, and, the two most important: continued safety, and November's court date. Sounds like you're on the right path, and have come a long way!
Get a lawyer. For your daughter.
Jezus.
1of5
Level 8
June 21, 2019
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That's the plan.. I have a couple consultations scheduled, just wanted to find the term for this behavior to bring up, along with a whole slew of other crap she's done.
1of5:
@FatherOfNyx a divorce attorney will be able to give you your answer, most likely.
A good attorney is worth Every. Single. Penny.
@1of5 I have a consultation with a firm in my area that specializes in only representing men in custody/divorce cases. They'll probably be the most expensive one but would be my best bet. Also have going to talk to a lawyer who specializes in family law.. and still looking around. I have to find a balance of competence and affordability.
1of5:
@FatherOfNyx they ain't cheap, that's for sure.
Best of luck and I hope you find an affordable one that's a good fit for you.
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