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"How do I reject all the smart, beautiful women who want to date me?" man asks.

The man and woman who answered this question made excellent points.

Online dating speeds up the meeting process. It cannot convey key features that make people sexy like their smell, teeth, personal hygiene, personality and/or mannerisms.

Many men interested me with their dating profiles, but I was not attracted to them in person.

Over the years, 80% of the 100+ men I met posted old photos and lied about their age, height and/or weight. Now I feel surprised when a man looks likes his photos.

Before meeting, I insist on a phone conversation. Most guys do good phone. Remember:

NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL YOU MEET.

Apart from getting my former mother-in-law sloshed on White Russians, the quickest and best way to ruin the fun and good times is to load them up with expectations in advance.

[slate.com]

LiterateHiker 9 Dec 6
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12 comments

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3

I'm sure there are excellent people out there using the internet to search for a compatible partner. From all that I have seen, myself, and all that I have watched my friends endure, those excellent people appear to be the exception, rather than the rule. Do I want to wade through the internet sea of nuts and assholes looking for an excellent partner? I don't think I want one badly enough to do that.

Deb57 Level 8 Dec 7, 2019
1

I've never had a mother-in-law to get drunk, which i guess considering me is a good thing.

When things turned from casual conversation into "this could be going somewhere" with my wife I offered to fly there for lunch - fly in Sat morning and out on Sat night - just to have a face to face for 15 minutes.

Yes it's that importaint.

1of5 Level 8 Dec 7, 2019
2

Even if I get along really well someone online, I always have to meet them in person. No question. Because it can also go either way -- some meetings have turned out better than expected, others have turned out worse. I can't predict anything though until that happens. But absolutely, it also means doing phone and/or skype first, to get a feel about how they are in conversation. I would also need that before I could meet them face to face.

3

I actually had someone ask me if I had an ad on a certain site, when I was purchasing a battery for my motorcycle a while back - he recognized me. He was nice enough too - but had a nasty ole' cigarette hangin' off his lip ...

Yup. Until an actual, real time, face-to-face, there is no way to know for sure if there's a chance for true compatibility - no matter how good things are going up to that point.
When corresponding online, or even during a phone conversation, I remind myself to chill a bit if the person on the other end seems super good.

But then - if that first meeting goes pretty well , or graduates rapidly to touchy-kissy stuff that feels familiar and good, there's still never a guarantee of anything more.

Patience and fortitude.

Crazy making, I tell ya !

3
4

"How do I reject all the smart, beautiful women who want to date me?"

I have to deal with this problem every day.

0

Seems like quite a bit of effort to just get some sex. I say I'm open to dating, but in reality I'm lazy and internet porn does the trick. It just simply takes way too long to emotionally invest in someone and as emotions rule the day, being able to have an actual conversation without it getting into a 'win' something (or emotional investment) is almost absent anymore. I actually had a conversation with a female friend of mine where at one point I asked how it was we had come to be arguing over how to stop arguing. lmao I just use the phrases, "You're right (and change the conversation) or "I do not know enough to have an opinion on that (and change the conversation)" quite often now. Simply attempting to share something as simple as photos on a mobile gets into a competition where one has to fight to get the other's attention to show their photos as well. It is bizarre in my world view and I deeply sympathize with those of you pursuing dating. My thoughts always go to, "How do I make this go away?" which is what you are probably thinking if you read this. lol Wish granted...the end.

3

Good points. I guess this happens a lot. I’ve had more than one woman comment that I DO look like my pictures.

2

Dating is hard, especially around here. You could be compatible on almost every level, then religion comes up and that’s it. I’ve literally been told, “Oh, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe in God.” It’s even worse when they think they can win you over.

The search continues. Sending good vibes to you!

4

Ain't that the truth. And I screen extensively.....
But that said, unless they're real weird or gross or seemingly uncool....I try to give them the benefit of the doubt at least the first time.
Honestly, I'm just tired of trying to find someone. It's so discouraging....sigh...

4

I don't get that I never get those offers but then I am honest and picture is real and recent

1

Sounds like you’ve encountered a lot of frogs on your journey!

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