I see the Onion has a satirical rival.
Enjoy this article about Joel Osteen, folks.
I liked Hitchins's take on this kind of argument. I don't have it right here in front of me, I'm not going to look for it, and I'm not going to Google it. You'll have to settle for my paraphrasing of it:
Shepherds aren't in it for their love of animals. They're going to fleece them, fuck them, or eat them.
I loved that explanation of why church congregations are called a pastor's flock. Pity he's dead.