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Single people today care less about looks.

By Cady Lang in TIME magazine this week.

Emotional maturity tops the list of what U.S. singles are looking for, beating out all other qualities, according to a new study by the dating site Match released on Nov. 9. It's one of the many recent shifts in dating trends that singles are reconsidering their relationship priorities in light of the COVID-19 pandemic.

What is Emotional Maturity?

  1. Seekers of self-mastery. Mature people are passionate about self-development, psychology and understanding the inner workings of themselves and the workings of the world.
  2. Emotionally intelligent. Life is going to be full of problems.
  3. Positive attitude.
  4. Independent.
  5. Delay gratification.
  6. Truthful.
  7. Responsible.
  8. Accessible.
  9. Gracious and giving.

In addition to a move toward an interest in emotional maturity, the study found singles are less concerned with finding someone who is considered physically attractive. Last year, 90% of singles ranked physical attractiveness as an important quality. This year, only 78% did.

Being open-minded and accepting of differences was important to 83% of respondents; being a good communicator was a high priority for 84%.

The effect of the pandemic on these cultural changes cannot be emphasized enough, according to Helen Fisher, Match's chief science advisor, who says trends emerging because of COVID-19 have the potential to impact how we date and form partnerships forever.

The study found only 11% of singles want to date casually, while 62% said they're looking for meaningful and committed relationships.

A need for security and stability was especially apparent in the survey: Singles indicated that their desire for a financially stable partner was nearly 20% higher than over the past two years. The desire for a partner with a similar level of education and successful career rose 10% and 5%, respectively, since 2019.

Twenty-two percent more men indicated they now want to get married, compared to 14% more women.

Finding meaning in life.

Fisher notes that singles are looking to find more meaning in not only their romantic partnerships, but also in their independent lives, working on themselves and prioritizing their physical and mental health.

"This is a historic time in human courtship," she tells TIME. "I'm not surprised that those who came out of it alive grew up."

LiterateHiker 9 Dec 1
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6 comments

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2

"Emotional maturity" is high on my list of qualities in a mate too. I'd like to think I fit into that category and am attracted to similar. Looks are not nearly as important to me as a good personality, good hygiene, good health habits and similar interests.

At this stage of my life, I'd be fine with casual dating, so in the minority there, but if by some miracle someone came into my life who was good "committed relationship" material, that would be great. Not holding my breath on that. Having been trapped in unhappiness for a good part of my life, I'm not looking to give up my current feeling of freedom and happiness just yet, but I do like to share fun times and casual activities with people close to my own age and common interests.

exactly.

1

These are certainly my concerns, and why I do not have a significant other.

0

but, "can they cook?" has to figure in somewhere.

@hankster

The list describes emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity tops the list of what U.S. singles are looking for, beating out all other qualities.

In my profile, I wrote:

I'm seeking an athletic, intelligent man with a great sense of humor who treats me with respect and kindness. Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples. That's why I want a man who also loves hiking.

Although I'm a good cook, I'm not willing to do all of the meal planning, preparation and cooking. Everyone loves the magic words: "Dinner is served."

Loving relationships work best when we add a certain spirit, an attitude of goodwill. I wouldn't know a grudge if it mugged me. I miss the tender touch, laughter, conversation, intimacy, teamwork and fun of a committed, loving relationship.

@LiterateHiker keep it up and you'll find him. then what?

@LiterateHiker i still think "can they cook? matters more than ever. who wants to spend all day worrying about it being the spouse's cook night? gotta share the activity if possible perhaps.

@hankster

That's your opinion. Cooking does not show emotional maturity. I have seen mean, angry, petulant cooks.

@LiterateHiker what about plumbers? what guarantees that insight?

@hankster

Your questions don't make sense.

Plumbers can develop emotional maturity. They need to work on themselves. Look at the list.

@LiterateHiker i think somewhere the communications broke. my fault. of course cooks and plumbers can both be emotionally mature or not. what do you think is a good measure of someones maturity level?

1

Do you know me?

@Tourist

Nope.

@LiterateHiker It was a joke because I checked off all the boxes in my head. lol

@LiterateHiker Oops, I did not notice I see you'd checked off the thumbs up, so it is a good thing the list did not have "smart" on it as I would have to uncheck that box.

@Tourirst

I'm a sapiosexual. Attracted to intelligent, funny men.

@LiterateHiker Funny was not on the list. 10—I'm funny. As a general rule, I don't tell people this because I don't have to. I do enjoy reading about your hikes. They take me somewhere else... and thank you for that.

@Tourirst

The list describes emotional maturity.

3

All great attributes for any close relationship. However, to move beyond the friend zone in my world, there must also be mutual attraction and chemistry. All these attributes together can make an amazing partnership.

@Apunzelle

Agreed.

Chemistry 101—we all have to have that.

2

Good point

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