A dear friend sent this to me and I wanted to share it on Agnostics and see what your thoughts are.
Gabor Mate talks about how childhood trauma creates who we become as adults. It’s a little over an hour, but I found it so interesting, and it opened my eyes about a few people in my own family and their destructive behavior.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I completely agree about how childhood trauma is perpetuated when society does not train those with control over others. The traumatized need to learn how to love themselves which is hard to do without a lot of positive mirroring experiences. They need the positive experience of feeling safe enough to trust beginning with their own authentic selves. Not having positive mirroring experiences is very difficult trauma to overcome ... I have suffered through quite a lot of that. Excellent video. Thanks for posting.
AnonySchmoose
Level 8
Sep 21, 2022
1
I have family members, sisters family, that have big issues. This really helped me to see why my sister and her kids are struggling so much in life. 
@Redheadedgammy
I studied psych a bit for myself and for my degree. A way to look at family relationships is there is an unconscious energy dynamic that plays out over and over again in families ... it is repeated through the generations as if that is natural when in fact it is not authentic and family members don't learn enough about their authentic selves. They perpetuate an automatic response to all interactions and they don't hear themselves or each other
@AnonySchmoose I saw this with my own family, especially my sister. She and my mother always knocked heads with one another, and when my parents divorced, things got worse with mom and my sister. So much, that my sister ran away from home at age 13.
My sister basically raised herself, and had some pretty traumatic experience’s during the time between 13-21, and of course was not ever taught that she mattered. She has two adult children who have had major issues throughout their lives, because my sister never learned how to mother.
I saw this up close when I went out there in 2020, when my sisters health got so bad. I can’t even deal with her son at all, because he’s full of rage and constantly threatens everyone around him.
I was able to make a connection with her daughter, and help her as much as I could, helped her buy a car, taught her about finances, and she and I are very close now. She’s doing so much better. I think it was because I showed an interest in her and encouraged her to do more with her life. She calls me a lot and has told me she wishes I had been her mom. I’ve tried to explain to her about her mother’s life, and why she was the person she is, and she’s finally accepted it. Time will tell where things go.
@Redheadedgammy
You helped someone's life become real, capable and loving. You are are really positive influence for your niece. Congratulations.
@AnonySchmoose Showing her love, and giving her attention helped more than anything. Her finally Seeing her own self worth has really changed her. 
I had someone when I was younger that kind of took me under her wing. That’s why I didn’t end up like my sister. 
I wish I had an hour, but I don’t. Never-the-less, I believe it is difficult for anyone to overcome trauma, especially childhood trauma. And it often takes many years into adulthood to understand that it did occur, which makes us less likely to even try. Society based on religion is responsible for much of it, but my opinion is that societal structure is just as responsible, at least in “western” cultures, because we are encouraged to want/need more “stuff”, for which we have to work longer and harder to acquire, which puts us under immense stress that subsequently detracts from healthy familial relationships. We have evolved from what was once a much more cooperative society to a herd of selfish beasts. I firmly believe the demise of multi-generational households contributed immensely to this state of affairs.
KateOahu
Level 8
Sep 20, 2022
2
I could not agree with you more!
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