48!!!!!! I've lost 8 more since last thursday!!!!! ✌??

Also it's okay, admittedly I haven't actually participated in any conversations or anything and literally just sign on to delete notifications and post on here lol. Kinda became my little diary-support group.

I'm disabled with CRPS, the suicide disease, osteoarthritis in most joints, ehlers-danlos syndrome, hidradenitis supertiva, MCAS, and various other comorbidities. I am going to get worse and worse until I kill myself. That's inevitable. The reason its called the suicide disease is because almost everyone with it kills themself at some point because the pain is so overwhelming. I've got about 10 years until I'm in palliative care and bedridden. Such is my fate but I'm not really all that bummed about it. Some people have much worse fates, and at least I know I get to go out on my own terms, which is more than most get.

Anyway, my surgery coming up is getting sterilized and my ovary removed. I'm super excited because I've been trying to get this surgery since I was 17. My ovary is so cystic that it looks like exploded popcorn. It causes me more pain than I need, so having it removed is a great relief.

I'm going to be in horrible pain until I die, so getting rid of pain that can be removed is like heaven lol.

It's all thanks to DIABETES! lmao really counterintuitive yes but they put me on two new drugs that alter the body and how it processes sugar and carbs, so basically no matter what I eat, my body doesn't process the carbs and sugars. Also, the injection one has cut my appetite into a third of what it was. I bought a children's banquet dinner (those microwave TV dinners?) And it was too much food. I essentially now eat only a small handful a day.

It's allowed healthy and remarkable weightloss without the exercise or forced diets or trying to go keto.

It's been very slow, too, but the results are there. The 40 lbs I've lost is over the period of almost a year. It was only the other day that I realized I need new pants severely since they are all the same size as the picture, and you can imagine how i look without shoving both arms into them lol

And yes, i shall be very well medicated. My narcotic is going to be upped for the recovery, which I'm still taking even now (and it's barely touching the pain at all!) It's the anti-inflammatory medicines that I desperately cannot wait to get back on.

Shockingly I've learned I rely more on them than the oxycodone and that says a lot about my inflammation.

After writing this post, I finished bathing and in a fit of determination and duty, I hung and folded my laundry.

My body has thanked me with an instant full back spasm, my knee gave out, and I'm now sobbing in bed, contorted like a pretzel.

And the laundry was supposed to be the simplest of the tasks I've yet to do.

One small bit at a time. My day off I won't sleep since I have to leave at 430 in the morning, so I'll use that time to really take the brunt since I'll only be sleeping and crying the rest of the time anyway.

Until then, two more days till D-Day!

I'm so very excited. One of the boys from taekwondo wished me "luck with my neutering!" Which I found absolutely hysterical.

I'm ready for this accursed ovary to be gone. I tick off the hours like a celebration. Decades I've suffered and finally I shall have my liberation.

And all this added suffering will be worth it.

@LadyAlyxandrea One of the drugs I am on has similar effect with sugar. It's bizarre.
However my lost weight has been due to dietary changes and just as you describe that slow loss by the month - which is perfect!
I had to buy new pants when I had my arms full and walked out of my jeans. Bwahaha!

So are they just removing one? The remaining ovary better not be an overachiever!

And couldn't your kid brother help you out this one time? You know - a pre surgery gift!

@RavenCT you would think, since the boy actively wants to 'take care of me' when I'm bedridden and move me in with him in the future that he would be more help but alas getting him to do anything is like pulling teeth. He does take my trash out when I ask him 400 times over a period of a week.

Raven raven raven raven guess what I'm down another 8 since thursday!!!!

Also ONE MORE DAY

@LadyAlyxandrea Massive anxiety - make sure you have reading material and games laid out for recuperating! Lots of liquids too.
I always bought myself a small pre-surgery gift. Either a book or something from the gift shop. Had to build myself up for the gig! ?