I would say do what feels right to you but it certainly doesn't make you any less trans. I am non binary afab and my partner is a transwoman. She penetrates me and I don't see her as any less of a woman. I wish I had a penis but being penetrated doesn't make me less trans and her penetrating me doesn't make her less trans either. I think of it more like she has a built in strap on and my dick is detachable.

One of my late good friends was a trans lady who had decided not to have the surgery...as she said, her junk worked just fine the way it is so why mess with success? She was dating my girlfriend for a while and they had whatever the hell kind of sex they wanted to, it never made her less of a trans woman

As long as you don't feel uncomfortable with it initially, before even starting to try anything, then just be up front,tell her you are just not sure, that you are willing to try, and that you make no promises that you may need to stop if you feel uncomfortable for any reason. Obviously if you feel uncomfortable, then don't do it at all. And you already said she will drop anything you are uncomfortable with, so it seems like it should be doable to try up to any point you feel uncomfortable. There is no wrong way to do sex, and there is no reason sex should every be done if it is causing you to be uncomfortable. Just take your time and experiment if it seems reasonable to do so. As in all parts of a relationship, communication is key. It is also fine to feel comfortable one time, and still decide you never want to do it again later, but you still need to communicate that. Good luck.

I suppose I would liken it, in an analogy, to when straight or lesbian cis female partners use a dildo on their partners. It does not make them any less gay (for lesbians) or make them any less of a woman or turn the male partner into a gay guy for doing so. Unless you meant does taking viagara make you less of a woman? In which case, my mistake.

This reminds me of people who believe that vegetarians who eat faux meat products are hypocrites.

You are correct--it's BS. Fuck away.

Go with your gut. Do you want to do it? Can you come to an acceptance of it for yourself? I am queer so, It wouldn't bother me to try to do that but, if it was uncomfortably awkward I would let it go.

Sounds like you're over thinking it.

Is there some checklist where you need to have X number of boxes checked to qualify as trans?

I have no idea what to say. This reads like a sci-fi story

I'm kind of wrestling with all that this would imply.

A middle ground might be to use a dildo first, to see how you feel manipulating a sex toy for penetration.

am I in this group?

Do you still have guy equipment? If your heart is not in it neither will the little guy, good luck

Do what you are comfortable with, and maybe step outside of your comfort zone a little, if it won't become too much for you. What you are describing doesn't make you any less trans, as you said.