I miss the guy who once couldn't bare the idea of being away from me for a day. Now he can't stand me. And I can't stand this. This is what religions do! They create a barrier between people. Being an atheist is difficult. Not seeing things as they are, hoping some kind of magic to take control, relying on some magical beings rather than yourself and the people around you- this is what religions do! But the blindsiding is one part. The real deal is the hate that occupies a religious extreamist's mind. The so called "values"that these religions spread. The amount of blind submission that is expected is awful. Why should I sit in a Puja? Why should I marry in a religious setting? That's not who I am. That's not what my values are. Due to differences in values, last year I broke up with my fiance. It was the toughest thing that I did or so I thought. The hardest part was talking to the families about it. I have been dealing with so much toxicity. My parents constantly nag me on how I ruin my own life by being different. A bisexual person, an atheist, a working and ambitious woman- that's super rare in my community. My parents have even remarked that they should have not provided me with an education and got me married off. I hate my father to the core for being the most toxic person I know. He does good things but says things that even cheap people won't. People in my community praise him and respect him. But they don't know the monster that he is. I sometimes wish that I could cut off all bonds with him. But I have not been able to. I am not in the the state of mind and have been dealing with depression and stress and advanced PTSD. Nobody knows whats happening to me in my family. Those who know don't have the empathy. I haven't bagged any real friends that I would feel safe with. Right now I am living alone with my dog in a far away city. Hoping all of this will be over. Here is the difficult part of being an atheist. You might end up alone and you have to be strong enough to be happy no matter what if that day comes. If you think you're not cut out to go through being an outcast- pretend. It sucks but it will be ok! Pretend to love that Puja! Pretend to enjoy your religious gatherings. Pretend to be happy in a religious household. Pretend that you are happy with a heterosexual person. And you will get through life okay. Being different takes guts and endurance. You Can't let these people break you. Not by religion, not by homophobia, not by being a modern day woman. These people aren't worth it. If You do come out just know that you'll be ok. It might take time. But you'll be ok.