I don't agree. Maybe its not "traditional", but it is good poetry in its own way.

@COGITOERGOSUM

I don't like it. It's creative, I don't doubt. But it reads like male masturbatory porn poetry.

The women are sex objects. Nothing else.

@Ellatynemouth that is the point of the poem. It is a dissection of the act of masturbation. What do you fantasize about when you masturbate? Puppies?

@Justjhon

If you want to express yourself - that's fine.

But so can everyone else too.

@Ellatynemouth OK, how about this one then?

TRAINS

Through the nights stillness
a train whistle rises and falls
calling to me still.

Her voice too arrives with a schedule
held in place
by steel rails
and wooden timbers
a bed of crushed stone
and smoldering cinders.

We make love sometimes like death
and wander through
deserted corridors of sleeplessness
searching for each other’s arms
colliding like comets
a raining down of ash and wood smoke
the smell of machine oil and metal filings
steam expanding inside enclosed spaces.

Our bodies heat denies containment
refuses to be held
demands release into the starry darkness
a liberation of bone and flesh
mind and spirit
pleadings and sighs.

I want to tell her about the travel of hobos
the way they move so silently
slipping between the night like a lover easing into your bed -
some nights I see them beside the trestle
and wonder what it is they guard
watching with desperate vigil
those small warm fires.