It's easy. One of the best relationships I ever had didn't include Dec but his choice. I was very attracted to him but he was a germaphobe. So I loved him so ugh I accepted that.

It's easy. One of the best relationships I ever had didn't include Dec but his choice. I was very attracted to him but he was a germaphobe. So I loved him so ugh I accepted that.

Sex without affection holds no appeal to me whatsoever. The reason, likely, is due to the fact that I'm all sorts of fucked up over sex due to a messed-up childhood - and cannot perform unless 1) I trust the person I'm having sex with and 2) I want to bring them to orgasm.

I cannot comprehend wanting to make a stranger have an orgasm. Unless... I was some sort of prostitute? Honestly if I want an orgasm I'm more than capable of handling that on my own... no need to involve anyone else.

The separation is easy to understand, but most men expect romance to eventually lead to sex. It seems only fair to be clear up front if that's not your intention. In other words if it's not "friends first" then make it clear that it's "friends only". As always in relationships, communication is key.

After all, romance tends to lead to various nonsexual intimacies, and that tends to produce a desire for more unless you partner is asexual.

Finally, I'd point out that just because two things can in theory vary independently doesn't mean they don't influence each other.

Because most men think with their LITTLE heads!

For most men it is not difficult. It is the way we are wired.

The IDEA is easy to comprehend. LIVING it, on the other hand....well, let's just say it works better for some folks than others.

Why? Because sex, at its core, is about biological survival of the species. And we are mammals, and our experience of love and romance is rooted in the love we receive from our parents, which is our very first taste of it. What I mean is, on a purely primate level, sex and love are inextricably linked, we make offspring, we care for them. That kind of bond is advantageous, from an adaptability point of view, for it allows for full development of our young, which takes a VERY long time, as compared to many other types of animals.

Of course, as divorced as we have become from our animal natures, it is now possible to develop alternate philosophies without threatening our mutual survival. And thus, we have.

I don't understand this concept either.

People are wired and conditioned differently...and we need all kinds to make this world function...we can't comprehend it all, so why bother...enjoy what you do and others will do the same...no explanations needed.

It is for me. I can understand being sexually attract to someone, but not emotionally or romantically. However, if I am romantically attracted the sexual attraction is not only there, but far more intense than in the previous scenario.

They can blend and merge into each other. Unless one is aromantic.