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This is a spin off question from BohoHeathen's one about age difference in love--do you feel the need to be in a relationship? I see a lot of benefits in having a significant other. It fills an emotional need to have someone who cares. And sex, of course. A good partner can also fill the need/desire to be social. I.E., replace the desire to go out all the time to interact with people. Do you feel that having someone to love intimately is necessary to be truly happy?

voltaire1778 5 July 3
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Need, no, desire, yes.

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I do indeed.

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A relationship is a very quintessential thing to have when related to happiness, but it is not a necessity in being happy or in love. You can learn to be social and interactive with others without feeling obligated to have a partner. It's more important to have a hold on what makes YOU happy first and foremost. I see so many people jump into relationships without any kind of precedence for making anyone happy other than themselves. Be happy with your life and find some meaning in it, then try for a relationship. It's for 2 halves to make a whole when you struggle to put up your own half.

Good advice. Thank you.

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I truly enjoy my own company, and do well alone. That said - that whole being-in-love, or even hot-'n-heavy thing is quite rich. And being able to share the everyday joys and frustrations is certainly nice - though friends can provide that.
Is it necessary ? No.
More like adding warm fudge sauce to a really good brownie ...

Lol, my mom always put fudge icing on her brownie! Only wat to eat them!

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I'm much happier alone , than I ever was married . There was , however , that one very special boyfriend , who was totally amazing ..... But I have nothing left to offer , these days , so to speak . I wonder if there is , or ever was any man who would do as much for me , as I did for my husband ? I just don't ever see that happening . A husband , who is an equal to a wife ?

You never know. I do know the feeling of being "spent" with nothing left to give. My ex was/is a taker. In her own words, "what's wrong with knowing what you want?" My response was, " Do you ever think about what others want and that your wants may hurt others?"

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For me that is a no...I need to be in the right relationship, not just any relationship

Yes, i understand that. My next one will be the right one. My standards have risen. I'm not going to be in another relationship just so I won't be lonely. There will be certain criteria the next time or there will be no next time. Being a little lonely is better than living in a civil war.

@voltaire1778 True but sometimes you have to go through the civil war to know it is the inferior option. Good luck

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It's not necessary, but is surely a pleasant addition to life!

True 🙂

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I have never truly felt some sort of lack when not in a relationship, but like most people I have been seduced, mainly by FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), because society keeps pushing all these soaring romantic narratives of transcendence and bliss, heavily supported by various artistic endeavors and social media. And you keep thinking, as a single person, maybe I'm giving up the best for the mediocre.

But three marriages on, as well as into my seventh decade, I've come to the settled conclusion that this is illusory (at best) and if I end up single again before the end I will be completely content to remain that way. I doubt that I will be very open to and certainly not very trusting of any new relationship that might come along and be on offer. I most certainly won't invest any personal effort in that direction.

As to a marriage (official or not) standing in for "going out all the time", that can work in theory if both partners are sufficiently introverted, "homebody" types, and asocial enough. But I doubt that happens very often. My most recent two wives have not wanted to be, as they both independently came to put it, being "joined at the hip" with me. #2 was anyway, of necessity -- she became very ill and I ended up as her sole caregiver in a very isolating illness. But ... she was an independent person at heart, and inevitably part of her resented her situation, and, by extension, me. There was no other throat to choke. #3 is very independent by nature and wants a mix of personal and "couples" friends. But because we're both very introverted we don't find much of either. All I can say is, be careful what you wish for, because you probably underestimate how sick and tired you can get of each other's bullshit.

Lol, man I will pass this knowledge to my 13 y.o. little man. Lol, that was educating and funny!

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