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Okay, I'm going to use this forum because no one local is on here. Guys, I need some advice.

I'm 34 and a widow. He passed away 5 years ago. I've tried to date, blah blah blah, but another dude just isn't going to come along. But I really want to have a baby. I know a guy who I'd like to be the donor, but have NO idea how to ask him. I know it's a long shot, but has anyone here been a sperm donor? What did they ask you? Was it weird? Why did you consider it? Or why didn't you go through with it?

Thanks in advance. Sorry it's such an odd question.

Sara72712 6 July 19

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12 comments

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0

I'm close to local. Just throwing that out there lol

1

I was very flattered when my friend (who was unable to father a child) and his wife very directly asked me to be a donor for them years ago. After much consideration I turned them down. I just thought it would be too difficult a situation for us to really be able to deal with.

Thank you for your honesty.

1

Its a hard question to answer as nobody else is in a position to appreciate the relationship you and him have. My first thought is however you ask him, don't involve drink, at least not til afterwards. It might make asking easier but I doubt I'd take it seriously if asked that way.

Salo Level 7 July 20, 2018

Yes, that's why I asked how THEY had been asked.

0

Well, thanks for the input.

But that's not at all what I was asking.

Yes, I'm aware that raising a child is hard.
Yes, I'm aware that we'll need to sort it out legally.
Yes, I'm aware that there are dicks on this forum.

But how were YOU asked??

0

I think he would be honored to be asked. I think you should both get separate attorneys and draw up an agreement that clarifies everything from a legal basis.

As long as everything was clearly and legally spelled out, I would consider it.

0

I’d say continue the dating game for now. You’re still young!

antman Level 7 July 20, 2018

Thanks, Antman. A little TMI, but I only have a few more years before I can't have a baby at all. If I'm going to do this, I'll need to do it soon. And living in AR, there arent a lot of like-minded single dudes hanging out.

@Sara72712 hmmm.....I want to help...not in that way though. I have enough kids ?. Not sure what to say though.

@Sara72712 Older Men still produce sperm,however the chance of birth defects increases with age,Autism,Spinal Bifida,and others,so hopefully the Man you need is under 50.

@Mike1947 nope. He's 98 years old.

SMDH. Thanks for playing.

@Sara72712 really? 98? Get in his will you might kill him trying to get the sperm ?

@antman no. Not really. He's 35. But what a ridiculous thing for that dude to comment!

@Sara72712 haha. What does the guy you have in mind think about it?

@antman idk. I haven't asked him yet. He told me once that he wanted to be a dad, but he's currently in a position where kids arent in his future. I'm open to him being in our lives, as much or as little as he wants to be. He's a great guy. I'm financially secure, and have a great support system, so I don't exactly "need" him to support us. But he's so smart and so sweet, and unbelievably cultured and talented. He would be a good addition to a kid's life. I'm just terrified to ask him.

0

You will definitely need Seperate lawyers! What if the baby is born with problems? What if you become unable to care for it? What if he decides he wants shared custody? What if something happens to him & his family decide They want custody? Etc etc etc. These and more questions need to be spelled out in ironclad writing beforehand! Oh, wait, and you need to Talk, too. Why not adopt?

Because I want a child of my own.

Yes, the legal bridge would have to be crossed. There are many options I'm open to. But first I have to ASK HIM! Did you read my question?

@Sara72712 i did but it appears your need to breed is pushing the real life consequences aside......reality is legal stuff, not a touchy-feely "talk", and you should talk to a lawyer Before you talk to the guy, IMO. You are not being realistic about the myriad ramifications, nor are you prepared to answer His inevitable questions, you just "want"......

@AnneWimsey I'm so glad you know me that well, to assume all those things.

If you would please go back and read my question... it asks how the guy had been asked. That's all. I have everything under control, I was just wondering about others' experiences.

Actually, if you had remotely comprehended the question, you wouldn't have added your nonsense, as you obviously haven't been asked to be a sperm donor. So why even comment?

@Sara72712 "I have everything under control"....i am by far in the majority of replies advising you to consult a lawyer, which you have not done. Not exactly planning this, just wanting it. Good luck to both the guy & possible child, sweetie, you appear to have the personality of a pit viper.

@AnneWimsey you think I woke up yesterday and decided to have a baby? At what point did it say I wasn't planning it? This wasn't spur of the moment. My uncle is a laywer, you cunt. But you don't know me well enough to know that. So you just blather away, on your fucking high horse.

All I wanted was to hear about others' experiences? Is that too hard for you to comprehend?

As far as I'm concerned, I need to reproduce so the world isnt full of ignorant sanctimonious bitches like you. LOL! Fucking pit viper, damn straight. Leave me the fuck alone. You have NOTHING valuable to add to this conversation. But alas, you're too ignorant to know that, for some reason. And keep replying on MY post. Why? Go get a life, sweetie.

@Sara72712 i rest my case. Oh, and my question bout adoption? Don't bother applying, you would be rejected. Oh, and btw sarahroo, you haven't changed a bit!

@AnneWimsey LOL, what the fuck is your problem, bitch?? Feel better now? Like, what on Earth makes you continue to reply to my post? Honestly, I have no idea what your deal is. Here, I'll spell it out for you, since you are apparently slow.

Have you been asked to be a sperm donor?

Yes? Feel free to reply to my post.

No? Go the fuck away!

You, ma'am, are a bully. You come to a public forum, behind a fucking screen and trying to tear people down. People you don't know. I'm an adult. I have a plan. I've consulted a lawyer. I'm not your child, goodness help those poor children, I don't need your asshole remarks about anything. I had one very simple question, that means a lot to me. But no, you had to be a condescending cunt about the whole thing. I will wait for a while, to make sure you see this, then block your ignorant ass so you can't ruin this forum for me. I hope you find happiness in your life. You are obviously a very unhappy mean person.

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I'm sorry for your loss, Sara.

Thank you.

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You taking applications?

Really? That’s kind of a dick comment there, bro.

@NothinnXpreVails LOL, thanks for the comment. Yeah, as a female on ANY forum, the dicks always come out to play.

@Sara72712 I’m sure

@NothinnXpreVails It's kind of a joke comment, 'bro'.

@maturin1919 ooh, throw me some ‘ ‘ to be condescending, glad you’re not a ‘comedian’

@NothinnXpreVails I tend not to appreciate familiarity from total strangers.

You saved your damsel in distress, I'm sure there's another one out there in the Web waiting for you as we type.

@maturin1919 it’s not about saving, it’s about attacking.

@NothinnXpreVails K. I'll leave you to it then. Enjoy getting worked up over nothing.

5

IF you decide to ask his cooperation, you MUST have a good agreement drawn up by a good attorney. I can think of several ways this could go terribly bad!

Now..you didn't ask about this but, having lived through it, I'll say there is NOTHING harder than being a single mom. As hard as you think it might be---it's ten times harder. Please think this through, holding the difficulties of constantly being in charge, constantly worrying about money, constantly having to be both ''mom'' and ''dad'' to a child....and so much more. I wish you well.

"I'll say there is NOTHING harder than being a single mom."

Or a single dad, unless one is financially comfortable and can afford to hire a nanny. I was widowed at 27. I had just had a baby. I didn't remarry for many years until my daughter was more independent because I simply didn't have the time or energy for a relationship.

@VictoriaNotes thank you for your comment.

@VictoriaNotes YOU ARE RIGHT, OF COURSE! And I certainly should have written ''nothing harder than being a single parent.'' Thanks for reminding me! The comment was based on my own experience and those of friends. I've never known a single father of a small child. KUDOS TO YOU!

4

You should consult an attorney...this is serious business and there's a lot going on here. It's not like getting a puppy. Do you want him in the child's life? What rights will he have? Do you want the child to know who his dad is? Does he want the child to know? What responsibilities will he have? It's not like just having sex and letting him hit the road. A lot has to be addressed up front before you even think about approaching him with this idea. Also, you'll want a complete family medical history. You may find a history of some things you don't want to chance passing along to your baby. Do your research, and cover all your bases before moving forward.

Very good advice.

Duh.

1

Bentonville? Isn't that Wal Mart territory? Maybe Wal Mart can fix you up??????

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