My life fell apart some years ago. My friends scattered, I wasn't getting along with family; at the same time I fell into deep depression and had crushing social anxiety. I felt totally immobilized. It took some time, but I was able to get myself out of it. Therapy and meds helped with the depression, helped uncover some painful truths in my life that I needed to own -- at the time I didn't understand that, but in retrospect I do. If I also had to think of practical steps, the first was owning that no one was going to save me. The next was focusing on one small thing that was good in my life, no matter how small or insignificant, and then to take one small step forward. A big help was also learning how to be very kind to myself and to always be on my side, something I never was.

Im still in the middle of that, so ive been drinking too much and use it as an excuse to be out with people so im not lonely as hell and dwelling about it, but its also makes me more depressed and upset with myself

It’s a crappy pkace to be. My husband died last year and I find myself isolated. I’ve now just realized I had slowly let my social circle fall away over the past 15 years. So now I’m working on developing new relationships. Pusue your passions and you’ll find others to connect with.