Leaving a faith you're raised in can be a long journey. My father is Catholic and my mother is Baptist (although she's more 'murican conservative Christian now) and I was raised pretty non denominational. I truly enjoyed my bible classes when I was younger. I have fond memories of a pastor I was particularly close to, who had such a spark for life and family. While I questioned the similarities in some of the mythology I read, I still loved to be a part of church choirs and kept believing for the most part. Even through a challenging youthful rebellious phase, I still went to a Wednesday youth group. I grew rather "meh" in my late teens after some weird situations occurred in my youth program and left me feeling unheard by god.

After I met my ex-husband, I started reading the Bible for myself as a new year's resolution. I had seen some online documentary that sparked my interest in reading it for myself. I had went to church and knew the tales but reading it on an app that allows one to flip between versions was next level. I cringed at the stories, literally "da faq?!" at rereading some of my favorite stories. They weren't exactly the way I was told.

I felt that if there was a god, everyone better hope it wasn't the Judeo Christian one because holy hell, that is one crazy deity. Nowadays, I'm more vocal about my atheism and out to my family. I still love Christmas, traditions, and lessons I was taught where the Bible was used (in a kind of pick and choose sort of way).

I couldn't see myself ever going back into that box. I can't unsee what I've seen.