Use does not necessarily mean abuse, or even a need to function. Odd how easily people see it as a crutch and not just an enjoyment.

@Deanervin I think it's tied into the social-acceptibility of the thing--people don't generally get (quite as) upset about alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, videogames, Facebook, fishing, sex, etc., which can serve the same ends. But weed? clutches pearls It's asinine.

@stinkeye_a right! Though that is changing, even if slowly, where legalization has set in.

After reading the comments, it sounds like you all are talking about decades-old experiences and stereotypes. Weed is grown completely different nowadays and for different uses. There is no comparison of the weed of yesterday and what is grown today. You need to know what you are buying and for what purpose. It's a science. Also, I use CBD oil for my hands as I have carpal tunnel and arthritis in both hands and it helps so that I can actually use them. And it doesn't get you stoned. Some freethinkers could be educated on this.

Same. I got stoned regularly when I was younger, mostly because I was into the sort of music that people who like taking a lot of drugs tend to listen to, then one day suddenly thought to myself "I don't actually like getting stoned" and haven't done it since.

@Jnei

Good for you.

"I don't know what I want for a career," Hunter, 20, complains. His mother is my friend.

Hunter has been getting stoned on marijuana daily for the past three or four years. Living with his mother, he is indecisive and directionless.

@LiterateHiker My friend's son was the same. At 15 he sat around getting stoned all day and had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, so he didn't bother showing up for his exams. At 25, he was still sitting around getting stoned; my friend, who was too kind for her own good, didn't give him the kick up the arse he needed and allowed him to continue living there rent-free. At 35, he hadn't changed - but she died and suddenly he had to make his own way in the world. I don't know what became of him, but I hope he sorted his life out.

@Jnei

That is so sad.

Funny. I get the stereotype is there for a reason. Some do just fine with it. Carl Sagan is just one example of a brilliant, successful person who used regularly. I've managed to raise a child and keep myself alive with type 1 diabetes, pay bills, get an education, ect.. and yet women still reject me just because I use a plant. Very odd.

@Deanervin I would never reject a person based just on that...if you are responsible, can be in the moment when necessary, and it is just part of your lifestyle, then you need to hang in there and find the right woman...

@thinktwice thanks. I still hold hope ?

I believe this is an old stereotype, and weed is hybridized and grown quite different nowadays. I use quite frequently. Have a house and a yard, and pets I take care of. I used while I took care of my disabled mother, and took care of her house as well. My friends in the industry and I primarily use to relax and ease the pain after working a physically demanding 12 hour a day job, six days a week. I have friends that are caregivers, real estate agents, doctors, teachers, ranchers, producers, scientists, all walks of life, and mostly female. They are successful, hard-working people, they use frequently and for various reasons and they are hardly lazy.

@thinktwice @deanervin Precisely. Sagan was, and many others are, able to find a balance. So has my friend Michael, who smokes a spliff or four every evening after getting home from his extremely well-paid software engineer job. So have you. But many others cannot; some women might worry that there'll come a time when you no longer can, and she'll have to be the one who takes charge for you. Of course, many women enjoy cannabis too; if using cannabis is important to you, wait and find one who has found her own balance and understands that it can be done.

This is what I hear most often. Thanks for the candid response I can relate to
Of course I disagree on "present" but perception is in the eye of the beholder.

My ex and I struggled with this a lot so I ditched weed for most of the marriage and booze mostly for a few years and nothing was "better" even though that was supposedly the problem. In fact she often would tell me "why can't you always be like you are when you smoke weed?" because she felt I was gentler, sweeter and more emotionally available/connected in her eyes. I mean the answer is obvious...I can always be . It is like having the solution to the problem but then making the solution the problem so a source of constant frustration for both of us. When I wasn't drinking or smoking there were other things that made me not 100% "present". Reality is something we all only understand from our own perspective and we never really did accept the other persons version of reality well enough to work it out. We never really had issues in the sexual part of our lives but I couldn't ever get enough of her and I think she made up reasons why she couldn't or didn't want to. I mean I don't need a reason just a no is enough for me. I think it was an attempt, maybe even sub-consciously, by her to shape my behavior. I was mostly fine with it until it started creeping into other parts of the relationship then I felt like she was just trying control me or get rid of me. Neither of which works very well but I understand that a huge role was played by her growing up with an alcoholic anti-social father who scared her as a . I tried to be sensitive to it but the goalposts kept moving

In the end we all live in the present...it is all we have. I think if booze or weed changes who in essence someone is you should probably move on. I am the same person on or off, just fun, although booze makes me louder and weed makes me a bit more reserved/thoughtful which is usually a state more people are comfortable with me. I am always pretty impulsive so that really doesn't change. I mean I should have probably gone to get diagnosed but I think I prefer my self medication opposed to the Adderall they are likely to prescribe. I spent a ton of time in my teens, 20s trying to figure out what would normalize me and had fun doing it. Anyway I think we might still be together if I went and got a diagnosis but when my empirical knowledge gets trumped by a doctor telling us what we already "know" it is a trust thing not a drug/alcohol thing.

Anyway I totally understand and appreciate your response even though people are not "changed" by substances they lose some things and gain others that sober they are not.

@maxhyde Your response was very insightful and honest. I grew up in Panama where smoking pot was just like getting a morning coffee...it was so normal, and gave us the positive and good outlook that many in the tropical paradises experience. Not a crutch, not a gateway drug, just an everyday thing that made the days go better. When I met my husband, he was a pot smoker as well, so we had shared experiences and could enjoy everything together high or not. The worst year of our marriage was actually the one when I decided to give it up all together. I resented him for not being able to get through a day without it. I got angry because he was high when we made love. I felt like he was feeling the effects of the pot and not what pleasure I could bring him. I wanted to be the center of attention. He never lost a job or missed work. He met all of his responsibilities and shared in the household chores. I had nothing really to complain about except his presence 100%. It took me years to accept this was the real him...I understand now...I truly do...I have changed, not him...I don't blame him, I don't want to change him...I don't blame the pot, as I still imbibe and enjoy it by myself and with him...I just want something more and different..you are correct...it is not the pot or the pot smoker as much as the realization that people change and moving on might be the only solution...thank you...remain yourself and find someone who accepts you as you are...that is all we all seek, isn't it?

@thinktwice Yeah the rest of the world is much smarter or at least more consistent about drugs and drug use than the US. I mean war on drugs has just made big pharma rich off derivatives of the drugs people use on the street. Dr's over prescribe opiates because I am sure there are some kinds of kickbacks. It is shocking to me that a nation that put a man on the moon can be so dense/ignorant about drugs. Prohibition of alcohol didn't last long so I am surprised the drug prohibition has lasted so long.
People want to feel good. Drugs make people feel good. People are going to do drugs...legal or not. Better the govt makes off drugs and uses the profit to run programs to help with the problems that come along with it.

@maxhyde agreed...once they figure out how to profit off of everyone, it will be legalized, just like cigarettes and alcohol...

Could not disagree more but to each their own.