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I want to share with the community my journey with Depression; not because I want pitty or sympathy ...but an understanding ; that is all I ever wanted by sharing my experiences;... my journey through depression began when I was Thirteen ; when my mother met which is now her ex boyfriend; my sister and I had finished out each of our school year only to find out we were moving in with his parents; but before that happened; one day I came home from school and on my way into the kitchen and out of nowhere I get his fist in my face ; little did I know it was only the beginning of the two year nightmare; when we did move in it was at night and still remember walking into their pig barn that night ; we were given a week to settle in than I was expected to pick wood from their wood pile that they bagged or put into baskets for them to sell as for a profit; and one day I recall while I was picking wood for them my mothers boyfriend was picking alongside myself and out of nowhere I had been hit on my head with a piece of wood and on another occasion while picking wood again I had stepped on a rusty nail and still recall what he said “I don’t know why I’m even doing this for you” I found that rather cold ; than came the day when we had moved into a house on a dirt road that we had lived for two years and little did I know that he would get drunk and high on cocaine; he would not only drag me by the hair and slap me on the head , being made to kneel on raw rice in the corner; but during the two years he had shoved my face in dog shit ; he was cheating on my mother but I still remember another occasion where he said to me “ come lay down with me “ little did I know he was high on cocaine and drunk all at once and the next thing I had noticed was that he had placed a pillow over my face and I recall saying to him “I can’t breathe “ ( while my face was under the pillow) I ended up squirming out from under the pillow and ran off. And I do also recall once while we were “wrestling “ I thought to myself here’s my chance to exact everything he has ever done to me ; I punched him in the nuts after that I ended up running off again. Than came the day we came back to his parents house I was not expecting what was to come when my mom had told my sister and I to get our shoes on and we had walked to the college some miles away and caught the bus back to Windsor; some years would go by afterwards and several other fellows my mother dated and several other places that we moved to and my mother did take me to confront him but what he gave me was a “ shit happens “ ; than my mother met another guy who is now my stepfather ( he did try to connect with me but I didn’t allow it) so we ended up living with him and I moved out on two separate occasions once while I was 17 and had to move back in with them after a year of living with my friend; it wasn’t until I was 19 that the depression really set in after I had lost a job and from 19 to the time I was 27 I had already had been to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed and during that time my mind was a vegetable ( I had shut down emotionally and mentally from the effects of the depression) things did get a little better while I was on Prozac but it had kept me up at night and the psychiatrist had prescribed sleeping pills so I can sleep ( I really didn’t find that psychiatrist very helpful I really didn’t understand the process of tell him what is going on rather than telling him what I am thinking and feeling I really didn’t understand) I was still unable to think in any way. But what I found that did help was by learning new things my brain was a sponge i really couldn’t get enough knowledge my mind was hungry the more I learned the more I was getting closer to my “ normal “ I always felt something was wrong that was the depression and most recently I was diagnosed with ADHD .

AJimboShep82 7 Sep 3
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9 comments

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1

I am mother and I realize parenting is hard. I've made mistakes along the way. We all do. However, I never wanted to put my child through the revolving door of men I might date. So, I didn't date. I focused on my son and being a mom. I had a friend who mafe her small daughters suffer for all the men that they saw come and go. Once my friend picked a man from a bar and he never went home. I was worried about her little girls and took it upon myself to investigate him.

This was before computers and the internet. It took me only a few hours in a day to discover:
He'd been released from a mental hospital the week she met him.
He was in the mental hospital for getting into a fight with a man, pulling out his eyeball, throwing it on the sidewalk, and stomping on it.
The car he had was stolen from a woman he met in the hospital.
I met the parents of the woman who's car he stole.

After discovering all of this, I went to my friend's work, picked her up, took her to the parents so that they could tell her.

My friend had me drop her off at her home. She kicked him out that day.

My friend had the habit of feeling she could not be without a man even if that man was a pos. She continuously endangered her three little girls with all kinds of men in and out of her life.

I don't get that kind of parent. I just don't. And that mothers do this makes me very angry.

I'm sorry for what you are still going through.

1

Keep searching for help. I'm so sorry you went through that crap. You certainly didn't deserve anything that happened to you. It sounds like you are also dealing with trauma. You deserve to have a good life. It's brave of you to speak up about it.

1

Is this motherfucker in jail by now ? That's what I wanna know . Fuck these people , and listen, congrats for surviving . U r stronger than u think . Put these ghosts in the closet dude , and only revisit when u need to remind your self how strong u are . Congrats for been alive and congrats for getting the help that u deserve . Find two things that u like to do , two things that make u happy and at ease . THEN DO these two things . Every damn day if possible .

1

Keep up the work.

3

Unfortunately, most people who have children shouldn't even be trusted to take care of an outdoor cat. People suck in general....and yet, they have kids.
It's the job of the kid to realize that their parents sucked, their childhood sucked, but from this moment on...they are the adult in control and to take necessary steps --- to include counseling, support groups, medications when necessary, etc. The best thing damaged people can do is also not have children as long as they have their own issues to deal with. That is the only way to break the cycle.

Women definitely need to further their own education and work on their careers so that they aren't stuck with some guy because they have no other options. They also need to be super selective as to who they breed with....and stop having children with assholes ....or dating assholes while they have minor children to care for.

Seek counseling for depression and PTSD...but also don't let you childhood define the rest of your life. You can get over it and move on. This isn't you and nothing that happened in the scenario you presented was your fault. But, you DO control the NOW.

@AShep82 Your comment appears blank to me. There is a bug in the system....can you see your comment or does it not show for you either??

1

Hugs , hon .

2

Don't give up on finding someone to get counselling from. There's people out there that care and want to help. Seek them out. I wish you only good things.

3

I am so sorry that this has happened you. I know how horrible it can be deal with depression. If you ever need someone talk about anything, let me know. I'm here to listen.

toj Level 2 Sep 4, 2018
4

I hope every day of your life is better than the last. You certainly deserve peace and a bright future.

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