Thank you for your comment.

Paul

Though it felt devastating, watching mine haul off with a couple truck loads of her stuff while leaving me our pre-teen daughters was likely a ‘blessing’ in comparison. They were relieved, I’d been their primary caregiver from birth and ours was the only home they knew. And as I struggled to care for our girls.. my eventual ex worked the field, eventually remarrying.

With my priority those girls, I fell behind finding a mate ..maintaining a job in ruralville during the worst recession/ depression of my life, as well as maintaining my family homestead … let alone dealing with teenage daughters kept me at capacity. The entire time my former partner toyed with how she’d force the sale of my family’s century farm. Hell? Not even an Atheist deserved that ride..

Recovered? ..the fact I’m (again) fighting back tears must indicate something... Those ‘girls’ are grown, and I’ve been thanked. Eventually, everyone ‘gets it.’ ...in fact, one’s coming to visit me in 4 days - from across the nation ..more tear fighting

@Varn I had sole physical custody of my two children when I divorced wife #1. She never exhibited any interest in being part of their lives after that, even when I tried to discuss it with her. It was probably for the best, as she was no longer mentally competent and I would have been a wreck with my children in her care. I would have only accepted supervised visitation. In retrospect I was also lucky that she was quite passive with respect to wanting $$ from me, although, it's an uphill battle even for a woman when she isn't responsible for the children; in fact in today's world she'd be paying the MAN child support if he has custody. Even back in the early 90's the judge openly said he was opposed to more than 3 years of alimony, it was to his mind a transitional thing, not an eternal windfall.

My children also acknowledged the effort I put into parenting and providing for them and I am deeply appreciative of that appreciation.

You're right, it was likely a "blessing in disguise" on so many levels. You did good by your children.

My son was always fatalistic about his mother, I used to nudge him so he'd know I was fine with him being in touch with her, and he'd shrug and say, if she were interested in being in touch, she'd already be in touch. And he was right. When he died, my daughter arranged The Call to their mother, which was refereed by the county mental health people who have been responsible for her since our divorce. Her current caseworker wasn't even aware she HAD children. I don't know how much of that speaks to my ex's lack of interest, and how much of it is malpractice on the part of her handlers, but it speaks volumes to both I suspect. My daughter has half her brother's ashes, and her Mom supposedly wants to get with her at some point to scatter them somewhere. It's been two years of crickets though. At some point when I visit my daughter I'll lay those ashes to rest with her myself I guess. The rest are right here in our back yard under a memorial tree sent by extended family for the purpose.

@mordant Maybe my “venting” post triggered some reciprocal venting.

That’s not what i anticipated, but i appreciate it nontheless.

As far as atheism goes: no ghosts!!

Thank you for your comment.

I want to love those kids so much, but access is difficult.

Trying to maintain optimism, physical health, and mental health.

Will trudge!

Be well Varn!

Paul

I’m bipolar.
Makes me a self-ish person i guess.

I lived a big life. Now i pay - literally and figuratively.

Trying to stay optimistic.

Thank you Jolanta

@skinnymcfatty Funny how so many people blame it on something instead of taking responsibility. If you know you are selfish, don't get into relationships.

@Jolanta maybe the word selfish is subjective.
Please look into it before making broad sweeping statements.

A person can be both selfish and selfless at the same time.

Selfish people don’t always want to be selfish.

@skinnymcfatty Yet they are.