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Is having an emotional affair the same as cheating? Is it worse or no different than a sexual affair?

Beowulfsfriend 9 Oct 2
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7 comments

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I think most partners would consider it a form of disloyalty or cheating. I'm with @lerlo that it arguably might not be in all cases, but I don't personally intend to test those limits and actually don't want to.

My operant and self-conditioning are such that I'm basically incapable of cheating. Maybe I'll get surprised some day by a seeming opportunity that presents itself but especially at my age I doubt it. Plus I'm not quite dumb enough not to know better than to think such a thing would be a net plus for my existence.

I believe there are certain places one doesn't go to when one is in a committed relationship. One of the places one doesn't go is getting your intimacy needs (physical, mental or emotional) met by someone other than the person you are in an exclusive relationship with. Another is not fantasizing about solving relationship problems by running from the relationship (which "emotional affairs" or any sort of affair can be an expression of, too). Your only recourse if unfulfilled and unhappy are [1]work it out [2] renegotiate to an open relationship (not recommended) or [3] end the relationship if you have clarity that differences are irreconcilable. You agreed to those limitations, explicitly or not, up front. Have integrity.

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I have to disagree (with everyone who has answered as of this comment) that it's cheating and I guess you have to explain emotional...in love with someone else? Can you love two people at once? Shouldn't your partner be number 1? I agree with the prior posting that if you have to do that you have issues and either shouldn't be in that relationship or try to fix it. Some people have "work spouses" because they spend more time with their work spouse than they do their real spouse. I can see an emotional connection there...which is why I come down on the side of it not being cheating.

lerlo Level 8 Oct 2, 2018
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I believe so. If you are emotionally detached from your partner, a person will generally find someone else to spark that emotional connection. An emotional affair almost always leads to a sexual relationship. If you aren't looking after your partners emotional needs, you might as well kiss your relationship goodbye.

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It's at least just as bad. I can see how it could even be worse. Either one requires deliberate action on the part of the cheater. The problem is more that trust is broken. How it was broken is secondary to that.

Deb57 Level 8 Oct 2, 2018
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Emotional cheating is almost worst than a sexual affair. It takes a lot of time to make an emotional connection. Sex is over and done with. In my college years I had several one night stands that meant nothing and never thought about the guys again.

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Under the I and the gf's agreement we decided it is.. others might have negotiated something different.. for most vanilla people I think they would say yes it is cheating.

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thats a tricky one some people would say no (they would be wrong but hey ho) sex though fun takes up a small amount of our time with partners if you are doing everything except sex with someone else you must be investing a lot of time and effort so personally i think its worse. Sex can just happen emotionally bonding takes time well for me any ways

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