I'm wondering ... I've certainly had lonely phases in my life, but not once did I think it was because I was dumb or ugly. I always sensed that I had the power to change the situation IF I really wanted to.

You might want to track down where exactly, those thoughts are originating from ?

To be clear I was being half sarcastic...just that's how I'm treated. In the past (and not just in school. Way after that, actually) I was perceived as stupid and it's the main reason I usually dislike those much younger than me. It took a long time for me to stop believing it. And I'm still working on that. Thank you for your support.

I hearya. I think the same thing about myself a lot. I realise that's my depression and BDD talking, though.

Being lonely sucks. And then when we point that out we're told we're better off alone because significant others are more trouble than they're worth. Or that we should 'learn to enjoy our own company' or 'learn to be self-reliant' and other etcetera. That's really not how that works. That's not how anything works. My advice is to own your feelings. Realise that your brain is telling you these things. That's step one. Step Two is the tricky bit--counter those brain statements, just like Donotbelieve suggested. Even if it's with something small. Grow a counter-argument from that. This is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Granted, I'm only going from my own experiences and with what worked for me in my own struggle. Meds might work better for you. Or a different kind of therapy. Or any combination thereof. The thing is, your brain is telling you erroneous things and that's impacting quality of life.

Having no one can make you feel like the absolute dumbest and ugliest person in the whole world. But you know it's not the truth. The best thing I have found for combating destructive self esteem issues is to practice as many random acts of kindness as possible. This sounds corny, but it actually works. Take a book of family-fare short stories to a community room of a nursing home and offer to read to the residents. You will be adored and will feel great after doing it for a half hour or so. Seriously.