This weekend I bought cleaning equipment for my kids to take to their dads because they're both complaining to me that his house is filthy! It is I've been there ?. He's also on more than 1 occasion sent them both to school with mouldy bread and green ham! I've seen it in their lunch boxes when they come to my house ?. So I've made sure there's money on their account in school so they can buy food if needed. Also apparently their dad has been interrogating our eldest about what clothes I've bought for them using the children's allowance. Our eldest is trans, has anxiety and depression and has on 2 occasions self harmed! Currently he's under psychiatric care! I'm furious that his dad is having that discussion with him! I want to confront his dad but because my son has confided in me he doesn't want me to say anything, he's afraid it will get worse. I'm very much if it gets worse we'll deal with it as that's abusive! However my son is fragile and I don't want to push him to far or break a confidence. He needs to be able to confide in me but I need to protect him! What to do for the best? Also my youngest is in the middle of all of it just trying to have a fucking shower! How long before she develops anxiety!
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.It sounds as though the stage where Dad's behavior can be construed as abuse has already happened. You don't mention which of you is the parent with custody, but this sounds like a situation that should involve a social worker and a judge.
Deb57
Level 8
Oct 21, 2018
2
That was my first thought.
Just keep it positive on your end. The kids probably need an impartial third party to talk about some of these issues with. You can request a home study for the environment the kids to go to and document, documents, document!! However, don’t interfere with thier relationship.. they will resent you later. Just keep open communication and don’t say disparaging things. Be the structure they can count on.
Green_eyes
Level 8
Oct 21, 2018
3
If the oldest is over 13 he can choose whether he goes or not if the hubby takes it to police or court they will side with the child . Not much use for the younger children but may help . Actually they are signs of neglect and you are within your rights to not let them go . I’d get in touch with social services and let them know and ask for advice
Simon1
Level 7
Oct 21, 2018
3
Oh tell the it’s a safeguarding issue
Doubt I’ve more to add than friends, but wonder if you could handle full custody? Saving some photo evidence or testimony if needed.. Glad your oldest is receiving psychiatric care, see that continues. ..and though it’s not often diagnosed early, or at all (insurance Co’s avoid it), self harm and gender confusion are signs of BPD, I’d become familiar with it.
Varn
Level 8
Oct 21, 2018
1
I honestly don't understand why women complain about the men they had children with. After all, you chose him, right? One assumes you even lived with him at some point. And you had TWO kids with him. That's not by accident. Therefore, why do you seem surprised that his house is filthy or that he doesn't know how to properly store food? Did he have those skills mastered before you chose to have children with him?
Women need to stop having children with incompetent asshats. That would solve a lot of society's problems to start. When someone chooses to have children with a jerk like you describe, you have basically set your children up to go through this current hell.
Unless the guy suffers brain damage after procreating, their traits -- good and bad -- were already evident prior to shooting their sperm toward the egg.
Same goes for men choosing to have children with incompetent, selfish, mean, crazy women.
Just stop it.
SkotlandSkye
Level 8
Oct 21, 2018
2
Varn:
I suppose there’s a secret or private way of applauding what you said, so as not to pile on here, but I won’t.. Though the pain is palpable, you really cut to the core. I’ve daughters, basically raised by myself, and hope I’ve somehow instilled your advice in both. Their mother’s acute (though not yet diagnosed) anxiety was evident from the beginning, but her convincing love for me left me blind to the tragic ramifications… Love is blind, and when it’s gone, often a hideous sight..
@Varn I'm glad you have the courage to agree publically. This is a discussion that we SHOULD be having with all young ladies (and young men). It's time that people take responsibility for their reproductive choices and quit making dumb and preventable mistakes.
It's time that people start demanding better from themselves in making choices that affect the lives of potential humans.
Children stuck between two angry, miserable, incompetent, and selfish adults is no way to grow up.
If people really loved children, they would stop bringing children into unstable and substandard environments. The last thing the world needs is the continued DNA of someone who is an asshat.
Varn:
@SkotlandSkye Agreed. Something, as a male, I never factored into women’s decisions to procreate, I may have learned around here.. I’ve read women describe basically ‘making a choice,’ with the idea their fertility was running out. And that ‘choice’ being the best of a sorry lot… Blew me away ~ Lately, though actually never, I’ve not impressed on either daughter to have children. Assuming, if it feels perfect, they will. If not, save everyone the sorrow.. Both had taken a ‘women's studies’ class in college, and from the feedback I’ve gotten, it was brilliant.
Oh dear. These things are awful aren't they? My daughter refuses to speak to me after her Dad called me an 'f**king psycho'. It is a minefield and there is no way forward or back, just love your children and never fall into the habit of calling their Dad names. Keep your heart open, protect your children and look after yourself. Much love x
Amisja
Level 8
Oct 21, 2018
4
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