It sounds as though the stage where Dad's behavior can be construed as abuse has already happened. You don't mention which of you is the parent with custody, but this sounds like a situation that should involve a social worker and a judge.

Just keep it positive on your end. The kids probably need an impartial third party to talk about some of these issues with. You can request a home study for the environment the kids to go to and document, documents, document!! However, don’t interfere with thier relationship.. they will resent you later. Just keep open communication and don’t say disparaging things. Be the structure they can count on.

If the oldest is over 13 he can choose whether he goes or not if the hubby takes it to police or court they will side with the child . Not much use for the younger children but may help . Actually they are signs of neglect and you are within your rights to not let them go . I’d get in touch with social services and let them know and ask for advice

Doubt I’ve more to add than friends, but wonder if you could handle full custody? Saving some photo evidence or testimony if needed.. Glad your oldest is receiving psychiatric care, see that continues. ..and though it’s not often diagnosed early, or at all (insurance Co’s avoid it), self harm and gender confusion are signs of BPD, I’d become familiar with it.

Best help I can offer is I hear you but don't know what to say. That's for you to figure this out. I got nothing....

I honestly don't understand why women complain about the men they had children with. After all, you chose him, right? One assumes you even lived with him at some point. And you had TWO kids with him. That's not by accident. Therefore, why do you seem surprised that his house is filthy or that he doesn't know how to properly store food? Did he have those skills mastered before you chose to have children with him?

Women need to stop having children with incompetent asshats. That would solve a lot of society's problems to start. When someone chooses to have children with a jerk like you describe, you have basically set your children up to go through this current hell.

Unless the guy suffers brain damage after procreating, their traits -- good and bad -- were already evident prior to shooting their sperm toward the egg.

Same goes for men choosing to have children with incompetent, selfish, mean, crazy women.

Just stop it.

Oh dear. These things are awful aren't they? My daughter refuses to speak to me after her Dad called me an 'f**king psycho'. It is a minefield and there is no way forward or back, just love your children and never fall into the habit of calling their Dad names. Keep your heart open, protect your children and look after yourself. Much love x