I would love to be in a world where a personal, caring, loving god exists, where he made himself known to us in a real way every day, and where he assured us of a meaningful life. That world would be beautiful. I believed in this whole heartedly when I was a teenager and a short stint in my early 20s. I left that faith, not because I was traumatized by some aspect of it or that I didn't want it. I left because it stopped making sense.
I remember in early college studying religion and philosophy and discovering for the first time that the bible is not considered to be a historical text, but filled with mythical and non-historical information, heavily edited over time. I discovered that there are many legitimate questions about Jesus and that the most the scholars can agree on is that he was a man that existed. I was surprised to find out that there were other mythological christ-like figures who had very similar stories to Jesus, including the same miracles he performed, death and resurrection, that predated Jesus.
I remember thinking that such an important and pivotal event in history requires much historical evidence in order to be believed. After all, he's claimed to be supernatural and to have risen from the dead. If this happened today, the supposed divine person would be subject to scrutiny and his claims would have to be proven under scientific conditions. This, unfortunately, cannot be done with Jesus' life, but we can base our beliefs about him based on the best available evidence today.
I remember coming to the conclusion that, if Jesus' divine life is highly questionable at best and that there has been no supportive evidence for the divine in the years following, that what I've been told most of my adolescent years is most likely not true at all.
If a personal, loving and caring God (which is the only type of god that matters for purposes of belief) exists, I believe the world would look quite differently than it does now. For the most striking example, (and this really happened) when a 6-yo girl gets anally raped by her mother's boyfriend two times, and after the second time, dies of internal injuries, where was this God to intercede on the victim's behalf? I can understand when Christians say that suffering can sometimes lead to meaning, but in many instances, suffering leads to more suffering and finally a horrible, painful death. Wouldn't I as a believer have some expectation for divine guidance, support and intercession in the world? Of course I would. And this guidance, support, and intercession is simply not there for many. It leads one to believe that either God doesn't exist or he just doesn't give a shit.
A Christian's personal account about how she survived a terrible traffic accident, for example, is not at all sufficient for belief in the divine.
Additionally, another expectation we as believers would have is that prayer would actually work. Prayer has been subject to scientific scrutiny and has been proven not to be effective at all in producing results.
So, again, I would be grateful if a loving, supportive and caring God revealed himself to all mankind, but I would also have some serious questions. Like, where in the hell have you been?