Thanks, hun, from what I understand he was an angry violent man with many demons. many came from his service in Vietnam where he saw all of his friends die around him. He was in one firefight which he was the only one in his unit to live. His best friend was shot in the head right next to him. His friend's brains were on his back. He suffered flashbacks from what I've been told. The family has told me many stories about him, most are not good. He was very feared by most of the family I've talked to. So I don't think he really ever found peace but I can say I have made my peace with him. I do not hold any anger or resentment anymore, I actually felt sorry for him. He never got to see what he had created. I hope you can find peace with yours if you do go through it.

Thanks, hun, I'm doing good it hasn't been that bad. A little surreal seeing him after all these years but it's been fine for me.

thank you

It might bring some little sense of closure for me but the good part is freeing his wife from the burden of caring for him which is literally killing her. I think they all will be better off, he hasn't been able to care for himself for several years so its been tuff on them caring for him. I'm sure he doesn't want to live this way, I can't imagine who would.

@JesseBoren this was the first post I read this morning. Hard to wrap my head around that experience

thank you

You are so welcome!

I certainly don't buy into the idea that family is always there for you and loyalty has its limits for friends and family. I spent years without speaking to my mother also. I can say that although I had never met him there was a strong emotional connection t him or the idea of him. I dreamed he would come to save me from mom's abusive boyfriends and husbands. It took a heavy toll on me as a child and took most of my life to really get to a place it no longer hurts. There will always be a scar it left but that's ok. It nearly destroyed me but I'm a stronger person now because of it. It wasn't until I had kids myself that I could really emotional process it and move on.

@JesseBoren I miss the IDEA of having supportive, loving, parents. There have been times I felt The absence very deeply. But I strive to accept what is and let go of expectations; it's a long road. I think it's taught me to only spend time with people if it is more enjoyable than being in my own company.

@Untamedshrew I guess it leads me to be a better parent. I wanted to give them what I didn't have so being there for them was very important to me. I knew I could stop the damage with me or keep passing it on. Unfortunately, I kinda over did it and stayed in a bad relationship for too long trying to put their happiness above my own. Sounds noble but it really just made everyone unhappy.