So, I'm currently at Bangladesh and just came to the night market (9:45pm here) to get some groceries. And here I find a half mad man literally crawling on his all four (most probably coz his bck is broken or some oyher problem, he can't walk).

We had a direct eye contact. Didn't beg or anything, but i could read them eyes as I was chewing on some peanuts. I turned my eyes elsewhere pretending I didn't notice at all. He continued on his way, stopped for a bit for rest, and then on again.

I'm a pretty generous person and a pro active helper. I always seek opportunities to help others, for no apparent reasons. Gives me a sense of fulfilment and a satisfaction. So I got to think about this man. Below are the thoughts came to my mind-

• what good giving any alms to him? Probably gonna waste it all smoking crack anyways
• may be I should buy him a bread from that shop. But then again, he might not be hungry and may be the money was what he needed more.
• what good is that anyway? I know the general story of these guyz... May be he was caught stealing or doing any other crimes for which he's now in this state. Life gives you so many opportunities and his current state is his fault.
• then again, is it really that easy to get a fair chance in life? Who knows how many surprising odds he faces in life. No ways to know that life was fair to be honest.

While i was loitering thinking all these, he was moving further away. Reached him from behind and handed him 20 bucks (usd 0.25) (note that general alms amount here is 5-10 bucks.) I offered him the money and surprisingly he didn't reach his hands out. There was again this stare of him, right into my eyes. This is quite unusual and i felt a bit uncomfortable. So I told him, for something to eat. He pulled the neck of his shirt for me to put it inside (note that this is unusual too)

I'm no nihilist. I love mountains and hiking and enjoy all the night sky and stars. Yet sometimes it gets me thinking, other than surviving, what truly could be the purpose of life? Surely universe doesn't give a single fuck whether we live or die, but then again, all these couldn't truly be meaningless. For this poor guy, why doesn't he commit suicide already? What worth is it to live like this? Or is it our human trait to never give up? The resilience that helped to make us the most superior being in the world?

Sorry for the late night shitposting. I'm new here and liking the community already. Just thought to share my thoughts and might know yours as well.