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Do you make a conscious effort to be happy and the best person you can be - or do you just go about living your life? * What advice would you offer to those who are not* living happy, fulfilling lives?

Earthling50 6 Feb 23
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Happiness is something you can't achieve directly. It comes from living the best life you can right now and appreciating who you are.

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From my perspective, the greatest contentment is found by aligning worldview with reality.

skado Level 9 Feb 23, 2019

Sounds interesting ... what do you mean by that? Can you give an example?

@Earthling50
Yes, it’s sort of taking Leon Festinger’s idea of cognitive dissonance to its logical extreme. He says (essentially) that when reality shows us a picture that is different from the image of reality we hold in our head, that it causes us a particular kind of discomfort he calls dissonance. Then we feel compelled to resolve those differences.

Sometimes we do that by denying reality. Sometimes we do it by changing reality to meet the image in our head (when possible). But the healthiest way is to change the image to meet reality. But sometimes we find that very difficult because we like our image better than we like reality.

If we practice accepting reality, just as it is, we relieve ourselves of multiple sources of dissonance. And I believe these multiple sources can add up to quite a lot of misery. Most people these days have probably heard of cognitive dissonance, but I don't think many realize what a cumulative impact it has on our lives.

One example, pertinent to this website, might be when a person believes that a supreme being who lives in the sky is watching over them so that no harm can come to them. But when harm does come, it causes mental conflict that is usually pushed into our subconscious so we can keep believing what gives us comfort. I believe that when we continue pushing this dissonance into the subconscious, over a lifetime, it can add up to a lot of suffering that we don't really realize we are carrying, but it weighs us down and makes it difficult to be carefree and high functioning.

The solution, in this hypothetical case, would be to embrace the reality of self-responsibility, and the fact that sometimes bad things do happen. It is only by giving up these false "security blankets" that we are able to find full liberation from the suffering that dissonance causes.

@skado in theory it makes sense and would hold true IF early upbringing promoted autonomy. Unfortunately in too many cases it doesn't. Belief systems are shaped at a very early age (between 1-3 yrs. and from there to adulthood beliefs are reinforced). When a child's thinking ability is contaminated or influenced by i.e. religious beliefs, indoctrination, superstition, prejudice or misinformation then giving up a 'security blanket' is not so easy as emotional intelligence will override rational thinking most every time. Analysis seems the best way to really know and from there take prescribed measures towards autonomy.

@Earthling50
I know that our formative years do carry a lot of weight that is often difficult or impossible to overcome. I never gave much thought to whether I was raised in a way that promoted autonomy, but that's an interesting point. I was raised in a home that generally (but not forcefully) assumed a religious outlook, and was taken to church on most Sundays, until I was old enough to decide for myself. I fairly early on left the religious ideas behind, but now that you mention it... I suppose my upbringing otherwise was one that allowed and enabled, if not outright promoted, a large measure of autonomy. Interesting thoughts... thanks.

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I think I've decided what makes me happy and every day is pretty much the same but quite pleasant.

I could only suggest to people to find what they love and develop it. For me, it's most literature. For others, maybe sports, travel, helping others etc.

There are a huge amount of people who cannot even aspire to loving anything because of their disadvantaged upbringing and I feel sure the only thing they can do to try to make life bearable is take drugs.

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