@Amisja I am college educated in Christian apologetics (thankfully not graduate). I had read the bible cover to cover on multiple occasions. I ran into an argument that evaluated the first premise of the Kalam argument. The Kalam states:1. Anything that begins to exist has a cause
2. The universe began to exist
3. Therefore, the universe has a cause.

The problem with the first premise is the list of things that begin to exist is just the universe. So it quickly falls to circular reasoning. I viewed the Kalam as a fairly strong argument when presented by established apologists. But once it fell, the fine tuning argument fell apart. At which point I started seriously evaluating the moral argument. And I find that if we were to base morality on the Christian god, it gives rise to the idea that eternal torture is a valid punishment for being raised in the wrong area. All set in place by a so claimed omniscient god. Sooo...he damned that person by his own doing. Its ludicrous and I felt morally disgusting having stated that to others and justifying gods actions as good. WTF was wrong with me?

@Arsenal First of all hugs and welcome. Not sure you had an official welcomer but I am sure one will be along soon enough. You have swam through the treacle of religious dogma and come out the other end. I too studied religion and have read the bible (and plenty of other religious texts) cover to covrr. I have completed several online modules and I have studied Paul fairly extensively. Whilst I do believe a person (or combination of persons) called Jesus probably existed, I do not and cannot believe in god. As for design and purpose...there is none. Nothing..its a great big accident of nature. We are purposeful creatures and we have evolved brains that are capable of invention and imagination...we fill in gaps and we lack the self confidence to accept that we are all we've got. For me though that means we are free. Every act of goodness and love is ours alone. Every expression of love is valid. Every human being is trully equal but every human purpose has importance. We are our own way forward, we are our own future and there is only us to clean up our mess. The Palestinian and Isreali brothers and sisters are exactly that. The brothers and sisters in Northern Ireland were always just that.
You are free to see your short tentative hold on this little blue dot and you are free to enjoy what you have to offer to it.
I wish you well Neal...welcome to this incredibly exciting journey
Jayne x

@Amisja thank you so much for the welcome. The things I find so much more important now baffle me. So much more reason for appreciation. I'm the reason my marriage works. I am willingly . isn't keeping me tied down, hell isn't a consequence for everything I think. Still some reservations but as to be expected. Mainly concerning historicity of jesus as you mentioned.