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I may be ready to delete Tinder, Bumble, Hitch, etc. so I guess it is time to rant.

It's not because I "found someone" ... but I have become convinced that the time and effort I spend (maybe more the time than the effort) is counterproductive. Here's why.

Those swipe/like dating apps are supposed to have the appeal of being an easy and fun way of meeting new people, dating, etc. That might be the case for young people who live in an area with a lot of other young people, like a college town. I live in a college town. Great for me, right? Well, I'm not young and finding someone in my area who is within a reasonable age range similar to myself and not a Right Winger seems impossible.

I am also apparently not aware of the secret code people over 30 are using on dating apps. Maybe that's what I need to do, figure out the code.

What do people mean when they say they are "fluent in sarcasm"? Does that just mean that they can never take anything seriously but still don't have a fully-formed sense of humor?

When people lie about loving "hiking," "white water rafting," and the like I can't tell if that is code for "be active, slim and muscular but not too muscular" or they really enjoy doing these things and will expect that our first date will involve rock climbing.

Who are these people who want "good vibes only"? Does that mean you can't listen to death metal or are just always supposed to be smiling around them?

This is after passing up people who put some variation of "God First" in their Tinder profile.

I know that every time I leave the South this problem seems to reverse, and somehow I am the least militant atheist on Tinder when I am in a big city up North. Apparently, I need to move to Philadelphia or Detroit but it may take a while.

I want to go on and on about this, but I also make fun of myself internally for ranting about things I know many other people have dealt with.

What is everyone else's experience? We can have a "Let's Complain about Bumble/Tinder" thread.

surrealhoax 7 Mar 16
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10 comments

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1

I laughed entirely too much at this post. Quite real. I've just about given up on those dating apps. All the men want to move to be with me, and I'm evidently the love of their life. (In 2.3 days) Many appear to be stationed overseas. I don't know really know if that's real or if its an Iranian. Seems fake. The guys profiles get taken down after I give them my email. Another indication of fake. I've met a couple of guys. Not really clicking with them.

Of course I'm deeply liberal in the midst of a very RED state. Also, Trump voters are a big definate "NO GO." They tend to have at least one of his horrific attributes. Example: MISOGYNIST Shoving their tongue down my throat at the car when I thought we were meeting for coffee.; RACISTS using the "n" word which just ugh or a downright BULLY.

Gosh, I do think I'll make my own post. I've gone on far too long.

Anyways, thanks for the chuckle.

I did learn that you can change settings to filter only atheists and agnostics (same with politics) on Bumble. Also, that definitely sounded like a scam. I wish you luck!!!

0

For all those people who write "positive vibes only" on their descriptions.

1

Very interesting observation. I have never used either one. I figured you would have tons of options considering your area.

Thanks, but apparently being open about atheism is a problem on these dating apps. That's what I am going with anyway.

1

You don’t meet people with those apps unless you go out and meet them and even then, sometimes they’re trying fit in the box they made for themselves in 240 characters so you probably didn’t really “meet them” at all..
Those apps have become sort of the appropriate place hit on someone though and ask them out. Meeting people in person it’s difficult bridge that gap and more often than not, they have a boyfriend. Used go out bars meet people but as I got older that Avenue got sadder and sadder.

I came to those apps with your point of view and that has not really changed, but I have had to accept that what I am really doing is turning the images and text into a set of archetypes. This is unfair to them. Likewise, I am sure that my image and description is being turned into a basic set of archetypes that have little to do with who I really am.

The goal is to get to know each other on the first date or two because it is basically impossible to get to know someone in the dating app. That doesn't mean it is absolutely impossible, but first, two people have to have matched. This, after swiping on hundreds of other potential matches, has already become impersonal and commodified.

Bars are not scary to me. My current problem with that is that I am going to be teaching undergraduates next year and every bar within a mile of my house is geared towards these undergrads.

I have been on dates, but this is few and far between. I have had several more experiences of matching with someone, sending a few messages, and all contact stops within a few hours or days.

1

I am over 60 and the only responses I get by the dozen are bimbos who are fakes, trying get or itunes cards or cards, or they fall in love with me in 2 days and want move where I am and let me for it. Did you know you can buy bus tickets and airline tickets with itunes card or card? After a couple dozen, the entertainment value disappeared and I went back playing cards.

Yikes. For me its more like they wanna move to be with me the love of their life after two days. I wonder if you will ever read this. I find you interesting. I do not want an Itunes card.

3

Maybe I'm just old but the whole swipe left/right thing really creeps me out. There's something so demeaning about it. It reduces everyone down to a cute face pic and a few catch phrases. When I first heard about online dating I thought it would be great, because you get space to make you're own unique statement. You can say what you're really all about and what you're looking for. Get to know people from the inside first. Turns out the exact opposite is true. Write the most interesting, witty, honest profile possible, makes no difference. Look at a pic, swipe left or right. It also seems that as non-believers, we're truly a small minority. I think the best thing to do is just go out and get involved in activities that interest you. You know from the start that you have something in common with the people there, and if you don't meet anyone at least you've done something interesting and constructive.

Some online dating (like this one, not the ones where you swipe a litany of faces rapid-fire) allow you to say as much as you like about yourself (for better or worse).

As an atheist in the South, I have to assume that some people "swipe left" based on my lack of religion. If that's the case, I will be fine. I just need to move back up North.

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I work downtown I meet so many beutiful women. Online I meet older overweight single moms with tons of demands. @ sur real and all the guys see some RSD videos on YouTube. I shit you not my pull rate is at about 90%.

I'm not sure what RSD is and I think I am afraid to find out.

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I feel like I'm exactly where you are. In my area I can't find a single person on Bumble or Tinder where we can actually match up. I'm so bored with cookie cutter people, and that's all I can find on there that click that they like me. And I have no interest in them.

2

just rent a hooker occasionally.

They use the term sex worker now.

@uuuhh, OK.

2

I gave up on all of that kind of bull shit some time ago. Now I spend much more of my free time learning about things like science, higher math, physics, and am much better off for the time I spend. Youtube has some pretty interesting stuff.

THHA Level 7 Mar 16, 2019

Sounds fun. It looks like that video didn't load properly. I hope it was something quarky, like quantum physics.

Try again, I just fixed it

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