Wow. He sounds exactly like a "good christian"...likes throwing around the title but living none of the tenants except those he cherry picks to support his position.

There are lots of details and personalities to understand. As part of a couple, I have always believed that before either of us made any big financial or other decision, it would be something we discussed and attempted to agree. Sometimes we don't agree and we agree to disagree.

Adding another person to the house certainly falls into that category. I am getting ready to retire after 43 years working. I have had no more than two weeks a year vacation in 30 years, I am literally exhausted. So I have my vision of what I would like the next couple of years to be. I do have two elderly inlaws nearby and we have discussed this extensively and we are in agreement.

You don't say if you have any choices, or someone to share the burden. Not having discussed it seems a bit unfair to me.

Having said that , if there are no other choices, I believe the best course of action would have been to discuss it with him. If he had been involved and there were no other choices, what would he have recommended?

I'm not a fan of marriage counseling as the answer to everything... I think the added opinions of the counselor are often a bigger problem than the issues that brought the couple there. But in this case I think it would be a good way to discuss the practical life issue without (hopefully) devolving into a feelings issue (which this ultimately is). Lots of people are uncomfortable with adults that aren't "acting like adults", be it a dysfunctional kid that can't hold down a job even when they're 40, or a 40 year old who can hold down a job but needs a ton of support like your brother. It's not like your hubby is wrong to have feelings, but that should stop him from navigating this situation. Same with you.

I've worked with families like yours... and I've seen families that spoil and enable and never let their loved one grow-up, and I've seen families that just drop their loved one off at some institution, and pretend like it never happened. Hopefully there's a good in between.

I think you are amazing. My brother has an ABI and lives in his own (but shared) house with carers 24 hrs a day. Even as a nurse I would find it impossible to care for him. He can be fun and a laugh, other times he is selfish and demanding. I know I'd get fed up of him. You have my respect.

You demonstrate your love, generosity, and humanity, while your husband shows none of these things. Believing in God is not the same as having love for people. In fact too many religions teach us more about having a relationship with God than being respecting and accepting humanity. I would take in your brother and tell your husband he has a choice: Graciously accept your brother into your home, or leave.

I took in my elderly mother when she could no longer care for herself...I did it assuming my husband would not have it any other way. He was great with her...he worked from home most days, fixed her tea, lunch, helped her into bed, etc.

But, there was marital issues as well...first, even though I knew the answer, I should have brought him into the conversation BEFORE I moved her in...it was a courtesy that should not have been overlooked.

We were not prepared for the emotional stress of worrying about my mother even though she could take care of some basic needs...

I focused my attention a lot on my mother...her medical care, her food needs, her entertainment, her ability to see her grandkids, etc. I assumed that my husband was alright and would come along if he wanted but I should have asked or invited him to go...

I should have thanked him for doing the little things...I did not expect him to do anything, but I also did not let him know how much it meant to me...my mother always thanked him and often gave him "tips" of cash to let him know, even though he slipped the money back into her bag...

Should your husband support you? Yes...and you should support him as well...get him involved and let him vent his frustrations and concerns as well...sometimes just acknowledging that what you both are doing is enough to keep things civil to focus on the one person who needs you both: your brother.

Your husband sounds like a lazy, selfish jerk. Where is his compassion?