AND THE WINNER FOR THE MOST OUTLANDISH DOCTRINE IS . . . What gets your vote for the most outlandish doctrine of any of the major religions? My vote goes to the Catholics, who are supposed to believe that the communion wafer is the "actual body and blood of Christ". This is the particular tenet that led the seven year old me to ask a nun if Catholics are cannibals. I also asked how long Jesus stayed alive in our tummies. Sister was therefore not well disposed toward me, and she finally slapped me quite viciously on the thigh one Sunday when I turned around during mass to see who was singing the operatic solo in the choir loft. Sister hissed, "Face forward, Robert; you're turning your back on God!!!" My reply was what got me slapped: "But sister, you told us last week that God is everywhere, so how could I possibly turn my back on Him?" (6)