Narcissistic mothers

A comment from a reader of my last post has lead me into investigating narcissistic mothers. Very informative, and spot on. I am going to quote some of the things that related personally to me.

"Repeated shaming and control, undermine the developing identify of a young girl, creating insecurity. She cannot trust her own feelings and impulses, and concludes that it’s her fault that her mother is displeased with her, unaware that her mother will never be satisfied. In severe cases of emotional or physical abuse or neglect, a daughter may feel she has no right to exist, is a burden to her mother, and should never have been born. "

My nickname was "Boo Boo."

"The consequence is internalized shame based on the belief that her real self is unlovable. How could she be worthy of love when her own mother didn’t love and accept her? Children are supposed to love their mothers, and vice versa! A daughter’s shame is compounded by anger or hatred toward her mother that she doesn’t understand. She believes it’s further evidence of her badness, and that all her mother’s criticisms must be true. Never feeling good enough her life is one of continual striving and lack of fulfillment. Since love must be earned, her adult relationships may repeat a cycle of abandonment."

I did hate my mother for how she made me feel.

"Other mothers want their daughter to look and be her best “according to them,” but cripple their daughter in the process through criticism and control. Such mothers attempt to live through their daughter, who they see as an extension of themselves. They want her to dress and behave just as they do, and to choose boyfriends, hobbies, and work that they would choose. “For her own good,” they might forbid or criticize whatever their daughter likes or wants, undermine her ability to think for herself, to know what she wants, to choose for herself, and to pursue it."

She disliked my looks, my way of dressing, my work, my friends, and to an extent my children. The only child of mine she even tolerated was my son.

Further reading and quotes from the following source:

[psychologytoday.com]