My wife's father mostly failed her, spectacularly, during childhood. She's a better person than me, because if my father had done the things he's done to her, I'd have nothing to do with him and would be indifferent to his death. Not out of hatred or something, so much as self-protection.

But now that he is old and more or less toothless, she has forgiven him and let it all go and as much for her own peace of mind as his, has normalized things with him and her monster-in-law. That doesn't mean they are much in touch, or that she trusts them, but it means she has taken back her power and allowed the relationship to be what it is able to be, which is basically no different than that of an old acquaintance. It works for her, and I admire her for it. But it's not something everyone is able to do before the end. And that's okay, too.

It also doesn't mean my wife won't have VERY mixed feelings when he dies ... and that, too, is understandable. Be kind to yourself and you'll get through it.

I wish you calmness to keep you intact.

Maybe the difference in having a close father is that when mine goes ..I’ll get to stay put.