Tomm, I reached a similar conclusion (or maybe I read it somewhere). If god is all-knowing, all-seeing, and all-powerful AND god created me and gave me logic and reasoning and then I used that logic and reasoning to determine that god does not exist, then god would be aware of this. God would know exactly what would be required in order for me to believe in god. So, god has either chosen not to give me proof of his existence and therefore is willfully condemning me to hell or else god doesn't exist.

Thank you for responding to my post and I truly sympathize with your point of view. If I could do as you suggest, my life would indeed be some much simpler, but I can't. I have an uncontrollable need to try and understand 'this thing called life'. Believing in a personal God could make life simpler but there is no God of any definition that created us, knows, or cares for us, that is undeniable. So we're left to ourselves. I know your outlook is correct, I wish I could be content and think like you.
One thing I as sure of we self-consciously exist. To me, there must be meaning and purpose to our existence; otherwise, our existence is meaningless and purposeless. If our existence has no purpose, why would there be such a thing as meaningless existence. My head hurts, you're right, it's not worth it.

Tomm, Hi, somewhere along the way, I figured out there's nothing out there. To try to reason, or find truth, to the notion that there is, is irrational. Enough attemps of reasoning to try to make rational that which is not, will lead to extreme frustration. Quit beating your head against an un-knowable wall, and just relax in the freedom of knowing theres nothing out there that can hurt, or reward you. Its just you, and what you earn by living your life. Have a very good life with lots of good luck.

Welcome! Your reasoning is sound; which is why you could no longer accept the pablum that was being fed to you. There are so many contradictions with this god, they cancel each other out-- thus showing that it cannot exist.

I am not sure there is an answer to this confusing point. it has never made sense to me.