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Another post rekindled my interest in Bertrand Russell. A man of many facets that definitely did not preclude love and sex.[]

Lorajay 9 Mar 8

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"Russell, who was married four times and had numerous affairs, believed that both men and women should be allowed to have pre-marital sex."

I want to buy his book and distribute free copies.


I do think a more mature approach to long-term relationships is due in western society, but I also think this is highly individual. I'm not sure I could ever stray, even with the understanding that extracurricular activity is permissible, but I wouldn't stand in the way of my partner if she wanted something on the side. I don't own her, after all, and she can maker her own decisions. Russell is opposed to casual sex and, for myself, so am I. But I think a lot of people successfully navigate casual sex, effectively separating deep and loving relationships from exciting sexual flings. If my partner felt the need to stray, I hope she'd be honest with me about it and take precautions to maintain our relationship as the primary. That might mean being careful to not develop a deeper connection with other men or women, keeping it somewhat casual. I understand what Russell means about not decoupling sex from love, but I think maybe there are ways to maintain a loving relationship with one person while satisfying other needs and desires with others.

I agree that it depends on the individual and like you I'm a one at a time person. Unlike you i would not feel comfortable sharing.

@Lorajay "Comfortable" might be the wrong word for how I'd feel. I'd feel jealous and insecure, but at the same time she's an autonomous person who can decide for herself what's right. But I don't want her to hide anything from me. I think that's my one hard line: open and honest communication.

@resserts you are a big man and I think you deserve better. I think any really good relationship would consider your feelings as much as you consider theirs. I had that once and after you've ridden first class for years, economy doesn't cut it.

@Lorajay Thank you. I agree, and I think my partner values me as much as I do her. I don't think she'd be looking to stray, but I hope she's honest with me about whatever she feels and needs, regardless.

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