So why did you marry him, knowing of this incompatibility?

@BitFlipper

Like many men, Terry's behavior toward me changed.

After I gave birth to Claire, Terry saw me as his mother with whom he had a love/hate relationship. He withdrew from me, wouldn't touch me or have sex.

@LiterateHiker there seem to be many factors involved in making sex happen. When one of those factors changes, or disappears, or is challenged, the whole thing can fall apart. And it seems that most couples don't (or can't) talk about sex so there's no opportunity to deal with things like what you experienced.

As you probably know, I'm largely an outsider when it comes to sex. It's always been mysterious to me, and always the source of great curiosity.

Seems like your ex was stuck with an abstract view of sex and couldn't adjust to the view that it could be a gift that you give each other. I've had many sexually-dysfunctional relationships, and partners who just don't want to talk about sex - like talking about it would spoil the "magic".

You are one of my personal heroes, and I hope you will continue to share your sane and healthy perspectives with us. There is no shortage of unhealthy perspectives, including mine.

@BitFlipper

Thank you. I dragged Terry to three different marriage counselors. None could do a thing with us.

With the third counselor, Terry finally admitted his resentment toward me was mixed up with his enormous resentment toward his mother and he would never get over it.

I realized it was unhealthy for Claire and me to live in an atmosphere of simmering resentment.

That's when I gave up on the marriage.