To those whom enjoy an occasional bit of antiquated articulation -
U should most certainly appreciate this tale of - sorrow & strength -

to those who R - grammatically challenged - DO NOT attempt to read this **
nor should U attempt to listen to or watch the video - as your own - nescience -
will prevent U from so doing - and might thus cause a bit of - mental perturbation -

a truly fascinating & mentally - stimulating & invigorating -
an entertaining & humorous soliloquy of - terror & fortitude -
a favorite childhood story resplendently - retold & articulated -
using words terms & phrases - considered - Old & Antiquated -

start it at the 2 min 30 sec mark -
and when its finished the story -
then play it again from the start -

the Three Little Pigs

In time past, though not long ago there lived pigs in stature little, in number, three, who, being of an age both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune, did set about to do thusly.
When they had traveled a distance, pig numbered first spake saying, “Harken brethren heed this tempestuous realm tarry we long from hearth and home, we shall fare, I fear, oink not well!”

And so, being collectively agreed, but individually impelled, the diminutive swine set about each to erect for himself an abode. Pig numbered first did construct his house from straw, pig numbered second did likewise, though rather, not from straw, instead from sticks, meanwhile, unique in his imagining pig numbered three did erect as his domicile stalwart and garish a structure made from brick entirely.

Ah, but soon, there happened along, as is frequently the scenario in classic tale of protagonist pig, or red hooded child. A wolf carnivorous nature in full season he called out to the straw ensconced swine saying, “Pray thee little pig, grant me entrance!”, but pig one recalled with sage foreboding, that “He is mad who trusts in the tameness of a belly pinched wolf!”, and responded immediately, “Nay! It shall not be! Indeed, not by wit or whiskered jowel!”

To this most expected response the wolf replied immediately, “Then steal thyself little pig forthwith shall I endeavor in blowing means both huffing and puffing to dismantle yon flippant flaxen fortress!”

Whereupon there issued forth from the wolf an exhale of gale proportions, that quickly rendered straw hovel to dregs and dross, and carried aloft piglet and shattered quarters both, exposed now to claw and fang, piglet one made haste, wolf in pursuit, to the stick festooned sanctum of peccary secondary, causing pig two to cry out in dismay, “Well, this knocks my knickers! Marshalling a feral wolf to my doorstep is nowhere among those endeavors amenable or congenial!”

“A thousand pardons begged one, it would seem the beast's baneful breath hath purged me of home and sound judgement alike!”
The malevolent blast of the wolf’s exhale splattered second swines shackets shortest sanctimonious scolding simultaneously.
“Lo and behold!”, squealed two, “Stand we now amid wooden wreckage tremulous and vulnerable with nary a strategy for eschewing the canine devourer looming in deadly proximity!”

“Strategy,” exclaimed one, “while tis noble the contemplation of tactical particularities, pressed as we are with time restraints forbidding detailed strategical conversation, I would urge we run!”
Piglet running noises

Whether by their own fleet footed competence or the wolf’s windless attitude, the bantam porkers arrived at their ultimate kindred neighbors inexpugnable brick ingress unscathed. Upon the third pigs door, with urgent hooves they pounded, calling out, “Unbar this entrance, and with haste, we beseech thee!”

The third pig hailed from the American colonies, possessing a vocabulary substantially less robust than his impromptu visitors, replied, “Say, what?”
“Seek we sanctuary!”, they implored on the verge of hysteria, “Lest we fall forthwith to the ravenous apatancy of yonder approaching carnivore!”
Still confounded by their importinant words, pig three did render ajar his portal, whereupon one and two spilled through and collapsed beyond his threshold, ennervated.

“So, yall just wanted to come in? Why didn’t ya say that?”
Hiss of the wolf could be heard, “Pray the pigs, grant me entrance!”
“The wolf!” said one and two.
“Wolf” said three, “What ya suppose he wants?”
“He seeks to gain purchase within, indeed he would occupy this very alcove were he but afforded the most meager of opportunity.”
“Right. I reckon I’ll just ask him what he wants.”
“Under no circumstances!” squealed two, flinging self against portal, “There is naught to be gained accosting external opponent, save our own immediate demise.”
“What did you say about my momma?”

House and occupants were again engulfed in a malevolent blast of wolfish wind, the foundation shook, the frame rattled, and lo, to the astonished eyes of piglets and encroaching scoundrel alike, stood the third pigs lodging, undaunted. Aghast, and befuddled two queried of three, “How does against such relentless and torrential onslaught, this domicile endure?”

Pig three, puffed out chest, tapped a hoof to the hearth, and responded,
“It’s American made.”