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It's been a hard weekend. Saturday I went for a bike ride with my 7 y/o (ASD level 2) and 4 y/o. 7 kept getting too far ahead so I made him promise not to. 4 y/o kept stopping to pout about everything, his bike wasnt working, was turning to the right, kept stopping. There was nothing wrong with it, I checked it out after his first complaint, and was only turning because of slopping road and only stopping because he kept inadvertently breaking. He was just in that whiny mood. Then my 7 y/o gets a full block ahead and turns so I have no idea where he is going. And my 4 y/o starts screaming for his mother and refuses to go on, despite me insisting his brother is gone and I have to find him. He rides his bike without issue all the time. Go to call my wife for help but my phone is dead. Finally drop my bike, grab 4 yo and run after 7. 4 is screaming hysterically 4 mommy. I am trying to hold him and his bike and run after 7 with screaming in my ear. finally see 7 riding to my house with his friend. When I get to the house the friends who keyed cars recently, whichvmy wife doesnt want around, are playing in my driveway. I yell at everyone to go home, tell my boys to go inside and yell to my wife that I have to back for my bike. Sprint back about 4 blocks to my bike in the middle of the road and race home. Boys are outside with the same friends again. Send them home again and make my boys come inside where I chew them out. Waiting for the cops to show up because I my 4 yo was screaming murder when I was carrying
and pulling him after his disappeared brother. Just knew the neighbors were going to call CPS, not understanding the situation (I would never hit or mistreat my kids in any way!).
Next day boys beg for slip-n-slide because its hot. ok, I set it up. Explain it to my 7y/o how it works (4y/o was begging for it) and he starts to get wound up. He has a meltdown over it and 3 different neighbor kids walk up and want to know what is wrong. i tell them all, one by one as they walk up that nothing is wrong. 7 y/o starts screeching and people across street are staring. 4 y/o keeps trying to show him how and calm him but when 4 y/o gets close enough 7 y/o swings at him. Finally my wife comes out and drags my 7 y/o inside. He now starts screaming that he wants to try while sh is pulling him inside. Neighbors have come out znd are watching.. He comes back out later and starts to slip n slide without issue. Then a neighbor kid who is 8 and saw me fling my 4y/o's bike into the garage yestetday asks me why I get so angry sometimes. "Just my personality I guess" I answer through a mounting sense of hopeless absurdity. 7y/o had 2 more tantrums about his belly hurting when sliding but refused to stop, then bumps heads with another kid on the slip -n- slide and screams for 10 minutes. So I tell them to go one at a time and am ignored until I turn off the water. Then I tell them again, pointing with mock demonstration to be sure they understand. They do. I watch for a sec to be sure - its ok now - then walk into the garage to finish something. I hear crying, walk out, (less than 1 minute has passed) and 3 are on the slide again. I send everyone home and throw the slip -n- slide away.
Rough weekend. I want to cry.

towkneed 7 Oct 19
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3 comments

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0

If my daughter disappeared on a bicycle (unsafe), and misbehaved like that, she would lose the privilege of bicycle riding and playing on a slip-n-slide.

Natural consequences.

I don't believe in spanking or hitting children. Instead Claire got age-appropriate timeouts and loss of privileges.

We do that - time outs and privelege loss. Also have an hourly rewards system for good behavior. But he is autistic and has a hard time controlling his frustration.

@towkneed

You have my sympathy.

@LiterateHiker Usually we have a lot of fun. But good days and bad. And this weekend was horrible.

2

Sounds to me like those kids of yours are in charge there. Neither of my kids would ever be game enough to throw a tantrum, and no I did not hit them, however I would not give it to their demands and they would not get any treats, none.

7 y/o is autistic. He has a hard time coping with frustration and doesnt always notice things.

And we do have an hourly rewards system. Not sure how familiar you are with Autism Spectrum Disorder, but this is not unusual. You just deal because you have to - your kids are awesome just as they are and you love them. Life.

0

Throw it away? Once they have figured it out it will keep them occupied with minimal supervision for Hours, you can work off your phone nearby. Shown by the fact 3 of them were back on it without you already.
The rule is, unless you are bleeding, you are not screaming, or you get time out in your room, (or a corner) until you can play nicely with others. Screaming/tantrums are not helpful life skills to be allowed/encouraged.
People who get out of sight after being told not to get to ride behind you., or has to walk pushing the bike. Period....a 7-year old "out of sight" is truly in danger, he Must do as you ask or face immediate real consequences, not just yelling.

He is autistic. Its not simple.

And we do have an hourly rewards system. Not sure how familiar you are with Autism Spectrum Disorder, but this is not unusual. You just deal because you have to - your kids are awesome just as they are and you love them. Life.

@towkneed my grandson is autistic, now a good-functioning adult. He benefitted greatly from firm structure & very INflexible rules, helped him learn to cope, melt-down much less

@AnneWimsey Thanks. We try that exactly. Its just hard.

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