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Regrets. Which is worse? To regret something you have done, or something you haven't done.

  • 8 votes
  • 32 votes
Mike007 6 Apr 20
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19 comments

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I think it is always worse to regret something you didn't do, because you can't go back in time and change it. If you do something and it turns out to be a mistake, as others have said here, at least you learned something. And you may have an opportunity to do it over again, or approximate it. But if you DON'T do something, the opportunity may never come again. I had a student who had been offered a fellowship to do a medical outreach project in the Middle East (he is Muslim and spoke some Arabic). He had the opportunity to do research and to learn written and spoken Arabic, in more detail than his current mastery. He was getting cold feet and asked me what I thought he should do. I said that he was young, no dependents, and if he was going to do something like this, now was the right time in his life to do it. I also asked (sorry for all the digression) about how he might feel in the future if he passed up this opportunity, would he regret not going? He decided to go and when he came back from the experience, he was glad he had done it. When in doubt, TAKE THE OPTION. Depending on what it is, you may want to have an attorney on retainer and some money socked away for bail, but go for it.

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That's a great question. I used the metaphor of driving a car to explain this very point the other day. I used to "drive my car" looking backwards and that always caused accidents in my present and kept me from preparing for my next level. I've evovled past that, and now I 'regret' not utilizing that time because of my preoccupied attention. But understanding the variance between guilt and regret is also a factor.

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Would have voted for both. We can regret both and it's a waste of time. Can't travel back in time.

Irene Level 4 Apr 21, 2018
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Put in another perspective...It’s worse to have not lived than to have survived and learned.

2

You can always do what you haven't done, but you can't undo something that has been done.

True... but sometimes you are afforded a rare or even once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and you back out/down... those decisions often come back to haunt me!

0

We are the choices we make. I've learned from all the things I've chosen to do -- even the mistakes. I have few regrets -- because everything I've been through has made me who I am today and I'm pretty happy with that -- but the ones I have are for the chances I didin't take. Who knows what would have happened?

1

I follow a psychotherapist named Lori Gottlieb on Twitter, and she posted an article recently where she said in her practice, it's rare for people to express concerns over things they've tried and failed at. She's says people normally regret things they haven't done.

1

Never regret what was. If it failed you still learned something.

0

Never regret what was. If it failed you still learned something.

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I don't regret anything I've done. Given the same data set, I would probably make the same decision Everytime or close to it. Regrets are rather pointless. But I do often ask myself if I feel like I would regret not doing something.

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I'm a mix of both. I don't think one is worse than the other. At this point in my life there are more things I regret not doing. The balance might shift as I grow older, who knows.

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Have done, for sure!

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That would really depend on what kind of fucked up shit you did to make you regrettable enough to worry about it.

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Depends on what it is.

1

Dude, regret is regret.

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I chose "Have done". Mistakes that a lesson has been learned from are not regrets per say because they help you grow as a person.

Mistakes that have caused harm cannot be undone and those would be worse.

Regrets that "Have not be done". As long as there is life there is potential. 🙂

Betty Level 8 Apr 20, 2018
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Something you haven't I suppose.
I don't really regret anything. Even the most terrible experience taught me things.
Also not one for impulsive behavior - if I do it I wanted to and didn't care about consequences. So there's nothing to regret or feel guilt/shame for.

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I wish I hadn't made mistakes I have, like everyone else. But the only things I have regret were the things I didn't do. E.g.., I always wanted to learn to scuba dive. I'm going to do that one!!

KenH Level 3 Apr 20, 2018
2

Regrets, I've had a few. But I wish I had a few more. ?

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