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Where does YOUR self-worth come from?

Hazydays 7 Apr 25
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1

Happiness.... smiles from others.... bar b q's.... proactive kids.... money in the bank.... everything paid for.... peace of mind.... fishing.

I know... superficial!

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When I realized I didn't need another person or belief system to validate me, and I was just okay being me. At that point I was able to let go of the expectations put upon me by my parents and my husband. I was free to choose my own beliefs with no one giving me reasons to feel guilty for my actions or thoughts.

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It comes from within, a desire to achieve and a drive to continue learning. Goals are the foundation, and my loved ones help and give me the inspiration to carry on.

2

Being kind to myself, regardless of what I'm feeling or dealing with.

Very good advice but it’s also hard work to remember that sometimes.

@Hazydays Yeah, I wasn't brought up thinking that way. Not easy to change old habits. It's a conscious decision I have to make every day.

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I will let you know if I ever get any.

You have it. You just need to find it ?

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By critically examining my opinions and behaviours and by keeping the logically sound one while discarding unhelpful of delusional ones I give myself concrete basis for confidence and self worth

Thank you for your comment. I’m happy you have found your own self worth by being able to take those steps and not relying on others for your opinions of yourself.

Thanks, although I appreciate the what I can learn from other people we can only really be responsible for our own decisions which is where true freedom lies.

@Amor-Fati You sound like a solid, air-tight personality. 😉

2

Hit and miss, right and wrong, all of the above, no doubt about it... My parents

Parents seem to play a key role in this. Thanks for your comment.

IamNobody, you chose some awesome parents!

@crazycurlz oh I could tell you stories !!! My dad was a hard working guy all his life, learned a lot from him. He was a smart cookie that never had a chance to go to school, so he did make sure all his kids would get education. He did a heck of a job with all of us. My Mom, well she had to endure being pregnant most of her life and then the last one (me) was kind of a challenge for her ?????? Thanks a lot for your comment. I try to understand your story as well. I cannot imagine all the issues you have had to go through, all I know is that your contributions on this forum speak of a strong person. Cheers !!!!

@IamNobody My thought exactly.

@IamNobody your parents rocked parenthood! That is something to celebrate. You are an empathetic person but it's okay to read my story as...a story. The residual struggles I face now pale in comparison to where I've been. And, as soon as I began to come to terms with the trauma of childhood, needed my folks less, that's when I finally started to absorb the creative aspects of my childhood. Someday I'll share those stories, too because who I am now is not just a reaction to my folks also sprang from them.
I am happy for you, for your experience. Your dad sounds like 'salt of the earth'. Can I ask how many pregnancies your mom labored through? Sturdy woman, your mom! 🙂

@crazycurlz hi ... I didn't mean your story as just a story. Sorry if it did come out that way. My Mom gave birth to 8 rascals, 6 one after another and the last two after a "break" of 5 years. By the time I got on the picture (being the youngest), my poor Mom was tired of taking care of that many children, so I grew up with a mother that couldn't afford to put up with my non sense (whatever boys used to do back in the day when life was simpler) and that tough love made me who I am today. Too many stories and good memories. Both of my folks long gone but the memory lingers.

@IamNobody ach, you! All I meant by 'story' is I got past it, not that you demeaned it in anyway. I love to write and in time, maybe, likely their stories will be what I write about. SO, did the older 6 raise the younger 2? And were the 2 youngest BOTH boys?

Hey, I AM happy for you! I think it's healthy to share stories even when fortunes are dissimilar! Not a problem k! I made my own way through, anyway and it's worked out well. 😉 So, keep the stories flowing!!! I LOVE stories especially based in biography and autobiography, too!

@crazycurlz ha ha ha... Gotta admit, you're awesome. Your "ach, you!" really did put a smile on my face !!! ..... Anyhow, the plot thickens here. The other of the two youngest is my sister. I was born 11 months to the day she was born, so every year on my birthday I would catch up with her for a month and we always had fun with that. Saddly she lost her battle with cancer and passed away last year. Another sister from the "six pack" passed few years before, diabetes ( which I know regardless what I do, it is going to get me too ). All other 5 sibilings doing ok. You're right, plenty of stories to tell. I'll try to pace myself !! Thanks a lot for your contributions !!!!!!

@IamNobody I am sorry for your losses. You have a great sense of humor. 😉 have a great weekend k

@crazycurlz Life goes on, that's all we can do and like I have said before, let's keep their memory alive and cherish the time we spent with them. Thanks, you too have a great weekend !!!!!

5

Mine came from hitting rock bottom. My parents defined success narrowly. My 4 siblings jumped through their hoops with ease. But I was the questioning one, always aware of the elephant in the room. When I would set my sights on a goal, my goals never measured up and my folks were always moving the goal post.
Age 40 my partner died suddenly, the builder I'd hired had gone to jail, I'd lost my construction loan without a builder, my mom was having memory issues and I became her primary caregiver...it goes on and on.
The 6 mos before he died, my partner became the perfect partner. Our relationship was on the rocks and he might have known he was dying. He buoyed my up, helped me with the house building where he could, told me I was the best mom...things this alcoholic held out on all through our marriage.
After he died, my life appeared to be in tatters. Instead, I set my grieving aside, hired guys to finish my home and did what I could myself, worked round the clock for a year, between fulltime work and coming home to building, paying it all paycheck to paycheck. We got occupation and moved in. I quit my job, exhausted slept for 2 mos and finally grieved. Then I worked temp in a museum (great job!) and things fell in place for me to start my own business.
I needed my partner's unconditional love. That was the catalyst for my metamorphosis. But my self worth came from putting aside my parents' expectations of me and instead listening to the authentic me for direction.
Thanks for post, Hazydays!

@crazycurlz thanks for sharing

I can relate to your post on so many levels. My parents never provided unconditional love, my husband died last year and that, for me, has been the catalyst for my metamorphosis. I’m sorry you had to go through so much all at the same time. It must have been extremely overwhelming. I admire your strength in coping. You’ve certainly come along way. Grief undoubtedly creates the need to delve into our self worth and finding our own strength without the need to find it from our parents or loved ones. Although I still crave, and always will, finding that unconditional love again.
One day ??
Thanks for your comment.

@Hazydays thank you for the kind, sensitive response. I'm sorry for your loss. Yours is recent, still so fresh. I hope you will find that kind of love again, too. Hugs to you!

I have even more respect for you now. What a story. I can relate as I've been through similar, but would not be comfortable sharing it here, but maybe down the road perhaps?

@SpikeTalon, my friend! YES! Whenever you feel ready to share, I would love to hear about your journey. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. 😉

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